


It's Going To Get Easier (Just Not Today)

by YuujinA



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Assisted Suicide, Disability, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, au where suga isn't a volleyballer, maybe this will have a happy ending afterall, me before you au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-07-16 14:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7272496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuujinA/pseuds/YuujinA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa promised six months. Sugawara promised to try and change his mind.</p><p>After a devastating car crash which transformed the once volleyball star Tooru Oikawa into a quadriplegic, he’s all but given up and has arranged for his death at Dignitas at the end of the year. His parents, painfully aware that nothing that can change their son’s mind, ask for six more months. And that, Oikawa figured, was going to be his last gift to them. Except that he never expected to receive a gift himself –in the form of Koushi Sugawara.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rock bottom

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the novel Me Before You. Also, this is my first attempt at fanfiction so keep your expectations very, very low. :x Oh and I also highly suggest you listening to Not Today by Imagine Dragons at least once while you read the story hehe. It fits.

 

Oikawa awoke to a sight. A bone-chilling sight.

 

His body –or what seemed like it- was wrapped in layers and layers of thick bandages. It covered every inch of his skin, bleaching him white, allowing the crimson blood that had seeped through to blossom in patches all over him.

 

The rare parts of his pale skin that hadn’t been covered were littered with bruises and cuts so deep that little droplets of blood still seeped out from it. It made him sicker than he already was.

 

His eyes shifted around in its sockets hazily, eyelids parting a little more, just enough for him to notice the group of doctors in white discussing something fervently at the corner of the room.

 

Oikawa fought against the drowsiness that stubbornly clung onto him, begging him to just go back to sleep, to not be such a busybody for once. They must have given him morphine he figured. How else was it that he couldn’t feel a thing despite being mummified?

 

He willed himself to focus on their conversation and managed to hear just what they were saying.

 

“…though we lost him two times during the operation, his condition is starting to stabilize now and his heart rate isn’t as low as it was. I think he’ll be fine for now.”

 

“We’ll put him under intensive care till he gains consciousness. Till then, make sure to keep his morphine supply constant, we don’t want him to be confronted by the pain the moment he wakes up.”

 

“Yes chief.”

 

“That’s it for now. You may all return to your posts. I’ll monitor Oikawa-san from here.”

 

The group of doctors nodded in unison and filed out of the door, leaving the Chief along with a particularly youthful lady doctor standing by the now empty corner.

 

“Aiza-san? You’re still here?”

 

“Do you...Do you think his body will make it?” she asked, biting on her lip.

 

“If you’re asking about the chances of recovery, of course physiotherapy will help but as for how effective it’ll be…it's not optimistic to say the least.”

 

The young lady doctor looked his way, gaze filled with sympathy. Oikawa hated that look.

 

“That’s a pity,” she coos. “I’ve seen him on TV before. He was a volleyball powerhouse.”

 

The Chief traced her line of vision back to the boy who now lay limp in the hospital bed, only being held together by bandages and casts but nevertheless, broken beyond repair.

 

“Well I’m afraid that’s all in the past now,” he sighed sadly, wishing he didn’t have to say this.

 

Oikawa begged for the drowsiness to come back and knock him out in that moment, hell he would’ve covered his ears or dashed out of the god damn room if it weren’t for his sudden loss of mobility. He felt sickness settling in the pits of his stomach and had an awful feeling about what the doctor was going to say next –and he didn’t want to hear it. He really didn't.

 

 _P_ _lease,_ he begged. _Don’t. Don’t-_

 

“He’s done.”

 

Tears welled up in his eyes and Oikawa never allowed himself to cry in front of anyone his whole life. But he’s definitely crying right now and he can’t even bring his pathetic self to wipe his own tears away.

 

_No._

 

_It can’t just all end here._

 

_Not like this. Not now._

 

He glared at the doctor through his barely open eyes that were now swimming with tears, daring him to say more. He wouldn’t dare to. Not to Oikawa Tooru.

 

The star setter of Aoba Johsai. The prodigy. The Grand King.

 

His legacy couldn’t end here.

 

He wasn’t finished yet.

 

He _can’t_ be finished.

 

Oikawa shut his eyes in a pained expression. The weariness was finally getting to him and he started drifting out of consciousness. It was a final act of mercy granted to him as he never got to hear what the doctor said next.

 

 “He’ll never play again.”

 

 

 

Over in the countryside, Koushi Sugawara was on the verge of despair.

 

"What do you mean you're closing the store? Weren't we doing just fine?" he gasped, still in utter confusion.

 

Ukai took a whiff of his cigarette and exhaled.

 

"You know time's been rough lately with the recession and all. What's the point of having lots of customers but still not be able to pay rent? Damn landlord's raising it to the heavens."

 

"What will happen to me then? Ukai-san I _need_ this job. I really do," Suga pleaded.

 

"I know Suga-san I know..."

 

He sighed and took out a paycheck. He must've planned this way beforehand.

 

"Here's three months of wages in advance for you. I'm sorry for the short notice, but I really can't keep this store going any longer."

 

Suga stared at the paycheck and swallowed the lump in his throat. There was nothing left he could do to salvage his job, he could only accept it begrudgingly. Ukai then patted him on the shoulder and apologized once more before returning to cleaning out the storeroom. Suga spent his last day at work taking groceries off the shelves, in which Ukai said he could take some home for himself. So after his shift ended, Suga found himself carrying two bags filled with ramen as he bid his former boss farewell.

 

As he set off back home, his footsteps beneath him felt much heavier and his worries of being jobless plagued him to no end. 

 

His family had been living paycheck to paycheck ever since he could remember. Now that they had one less income, how were they going to live their lives from here?

 

He glanced at the paycheck and sighed in defeat, too exhausted to even want to put up a fight. The money Ukai gave him wasn't a meager sum and could definitely last them for three months, he didn't have to worry about going hungry now at least.

 

Tilting his head up to the night's sky, Sugawara lamented at the stars that were shining brilliantly overhead. If only his family wasn't so poor, he would've been in university by now, not carrying two stupid bags of ramen that would most likely make up his lunch for the next two weeks. He envied Daichi, his neighbor, who was currently away studying at bustling and definitely more exciting Tokyo, away from this boring, uneventful town.

 

It wasn't long before he saw the roof of his house peeking out from the streets and as he passed the Sawamura residence, he noticed the lights in Daichi's room were on and figured that the idiot was probably back in town but didn't tell him. He made a mental note to sing louder in his room later to annoy him.

 

Sugawara stopped at his door, took the keys out from under the house plant and proceeded to unlock it. Just as his hand rested on the knob, he exhaled heavily and put on his most suga-like smile before finally pushing the door open.

 

As the door closed behind him, his mother in the kitchen called out, "Koushi, is that you?"

 

"Yes Mum. I'm back home."

 

"Eh? Don't you usually work later?"

 

"Well...yeah. I used to," Suga replied, settling the bags of ramen onto the kitchen counter rather ominously and then shot his mother a sheepish smile. "Ukai's closing the shop. I'm jobless now."

 

"What?" Mrs Sugawara's voice rose a little. "Oh no...what are we gonna do now? Your father's job barely pays the bills and your job was what got us by better. What are we going to do now son?"

 

"Calm down Mum I'll look for another job, no worries. Besides, Ukai gave me three months wages in advance. We won't be going hungry anytime soon," he beamed.

 

His mother met his assuring smile with a sigh and nodded wearily, proceeding to drown her worries with the dishes in the sink.

 

After enduring another unpleasantly cold shower, Suga trudged up the stairs into his room and plopped onto his bed to continue where he left off with his manga, the only source of entertainment he could afford.

 

The minutes ticked by and out of nowhere, a knock came from his window. He grinned as he knew who it had to be.

 

With a single swipe, he drew back his curtains and lifted the window. Right as it opened, a pebble came flying in his direction and Suga quickly ducked, narrowly missing being hit square in the face. 

 

He got up only to see Daichi standing by his own window, stifling a laugh while apologizing repeatedly to which Suga only rolled his eyes and his hands found his hips haughtily..

 

"You didn't tell me you were coming back today. Some friend you are."

 

"I didn't mean to either Suga. It was like a last minute thing so I didn't have time to give you a heads up. Hell, even my mum was clueless and she almost locked me out of my own house 'cuz she thought I was some salesman or something."

 

Suga poked a tongue out. "That's what you get, mochi."

 

"Oh that sure brings back memories," Daichi chuckled, resting his arm on the window ledge as he gazed wistfully at the boy who he'd grown up with.

 

Hearing this, Suga sighed and the ends of his lips curved downwards. "Yeah it does...I wish I could go back to those times...no worries, no cares..."

 

Daichi raised an eyebrow. "Is there something bothering you?"

 

"Not much. Just lost my job that's all."

 

"Oh damn...I see," he answered, pursing his lips in sympathy. "Well, if you're ever in a pinch. Say it and I'll be there."

 

"But what if you're in Tokyo?"

 

"I'll take the first bus back."

 

"That'd take days."

 

"I'll run back then."

 

"That'd take years. We'll all starve to death by then."

 

"Very funny Suga." Daichi rolled his eyes but soon, genuine concern took over. "But I mean it...if you're ever in trouble, I'll do whatever I have to do to help you."

 

Suga laughed at how serious he was acting. "Gosh what's with the sudden sincerity in your voice...if I hadn't known I would've thought you were asking me to be your boyfriend or something."

 

Hearing this, Daichi went slightly red but then waved it off. "You're thinking too much."

 

"I know, I know..." Suga answered wearily, stifling a yawn.

 

"You look like me before finals. It's late. You better hit the sack."

 

"Alright...goodnight mochi..."

 

"Goodnight Suga."

 

Daichi watched as his neighbour shot him one last dazzling smile before drawing back his curtains. It wasn't long before he did the same too.

 

Suga stared at the glow in the dark stars plastered on his ceiling. He was probably going to have to pay a visit to the Job Center tomorrow. It would be a funny sight. The only people who ever go there were those middle aged man who got retrenched and were absolutely desperate enough to want any job that's left. Definitely not a place your average nineteen year old would go.

 

But he knew he belonged in the below average zone. And maybe that explained why his life was so different from all the other people his age.

 

_Once you reach rock bottom, the only way left is up._

 

With one last sigh, he shut his eyes.

 

 _Hang in there Suga...it'll get better_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if Suga's a little OOC here but I always thought a slightly obnoxious Suga would be adorable :> The next chapter we'll see how Suga and Oikawa cross paths till then a comment and feedback is veryyy welcome ^^ Thanks for reading!


	2. New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in a day! Yay!

Sugawara now sat in front of the job assistant's desk, wearing his father’s suit that looked like it belonged to a whole different time period. It didn’t help that he had a baby face either. Who the hell was going to take an over sized baby dressed in a thousand year old suit seriously?

 

He drummed his fingers against the arm rests as he waited for the guy to find him a job which seemed like a tall order considering how long he’d been scrolling through his computer. Suga wouldn’t be surprised if he had been on Facebook instead.

 

“So…” He cleared his throat. “Have you found anything yet? ...sir?”

 

“Well…” The man pursed his lips and Suga braced himself for the answer he was probably going to get. “Ah! This application just came in and I think it’ll suit you Sugawara-san. The pay’s great too!”

 

Suga’s ears perked up and he sat on the edge of his seat, eyes gleaming with anticipation. “Well?”

 

“It’s for a quadriplegic boy who’s exactly the same age as you. His parents are looking for someone who can take him out whenever he wants to and basically keep him company.”

 

“So like a caretaker?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Suga winced. No wonder the pay was great. He’d probably have to wipe his ass for him at one point.

 

“Erm…I’m sorry but I have no experience with taking care of others. I’m not so sure if I can take care of this…this boy.”

 

“His name is Tooru Oikawa. Oh and don’t worry. I think all they really require is someone to be there with him. Like a friend of sorts.” The man continued scanning the page and Suga soon registered a faint sadness clouding his features.

 

“What is it?” he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

 

“No…it’s just…it says here what happened to Oikawa-san and it’s quite tragic.”

 

It was only then did the sadness started to settle in Suga too. The boy was the same age as him and was already being confined to a wheelchair his whole life. If there was anyone Suga pitied more than the poor, it was the ill.

 

“May I know how do I apply for the job? Is there an interview I need to go through?”

 

“Ah yes. Give me a moment, I’ll check.”

 

Suga sunk back in his seat and casually gazed out of the window till the job assistant finally called him back for his attention.

 

“It’s in Tokyo.”

 

“Tokyo?!” Suga burst, but immediately clamped a hand to his mouth. His cheeks flushed when he registered the weird stares from others. “ _Tokyo_? Really?”

 

“Yeah it’s only a bus ride away.”

 

“The bus ride takes a whole day. I would know. My best friend studies there.”

 

“Then…I’m sorry Sugawara-san. This is the only job that fit you, you lack quite a bit of qualification for the others.”

 

“Oh…I guess it can’t be helped then,” Suga muttered dejectedly, slowly getting up. “Thanks for your help anyway.”

 

“My pleasure. If you change your mind about the job you can always call me.” With that he held out a name card in which Suga accepted with a forced smile, knowing that he'd probably have no use for it anyway.

 

And as Suga left the building and onto the route back home, he felt as if he got fired a second time. He loosened his tie so that it hung low on his chest, making him look like a delinquent with a peculiar taste for fashion.

 

His footsteps were seemingly heavier than yesterday’s and Suga really didn’t want to feel this pathetic every day. It was depressing to say the least. But then again, it was only his first interview, failing the first time was kind of expected right?

He sucked in a deep breath, his chest puffed out slightly as he shifted his gaze up from the floor again with eyes brimming with hope.

 

Yeah that was it. All he needed to do was try again.

 

With his new found optimism, Suga regained the spring in his steps and continued his journey back home feeling just a tiny bit more hopeful.

 

 

The door shut behind him quietly and Suga went over to the kitchen where his parents along with Daichi were sat round the dinner table, laughing over what must have been one of the latter’s stories about Tokyo.

 

 _What a lovely surprise_ , he thought. If only he had good news to complement the mood.

 

“-so one day my friend and I went into this maid café thinking that there were literally maids in it only to find a bunch of girls clad in bikinis greeting us. The only ‘maid’ thing they had on was those hats they wear. Oh god Asahi was absolutely mortified-” Daichi paused abruptly when he saw Suga standing by the kitchen door and broke out into a warm smile. “Oh you’re back Suga. We’ve been waiting for you before we start dinner.”

 

“Sorry to keep you hungry chichi.” He chuckled and settled himself into the seat beside his mother. “So what did I do to deserve the honor of you coming over for dinner?”

 

“Actually I was the one who invited Daichi-san over,” Mrs Sugawara smiled, filling Daichi’s bowl with rice. “He’s going back to Tokyo tomorrow.”

 

“Eh? You sat on a bus for a whole day just to stay for two? Daichi you really don’t know how to get the best out of your time and money,” Suga chided but was thoroughly amused.

 

“What? You didn’t miss me at all?”

 

Suga laughed and elbowed Daichi at the sides. “Oi! What are you? My boyfriend?”

 

The Sugawaras erupted in laughter while Daichi only smiled and stuffed an egg roll into his mouth abashedly.

 

“So how was the job interview today Koushi?” His father asked.

 

“Didn't manage to find any that fit me,” he muttered absently, shovelling more rice into his mouth.

 

“Not even one?”

 

“Well there was one. The pay was unbelievably good and I could have gotten the job but...”

 

“But what?”

 

“It’s in Tokyo.” He chuckled and nodded knowingly when he saw the look of utter shock on his parents' faces. “I know. It’s too far. I’ll probably lose the job on the first day for arriving on the next.”

 

“Ah it’s okay then son. Keep looking, I’m sure you’ll find something,” Mr Sugawara encouraged, placing an egg roll into Suga’s bowl.

 

“Tokyo huh?” Daichi suddenly said, chewing thoughtfully on his chopstick.

 

“What about it?” Suga asked with his mouth full, to which his mother shot him a disapproving look.

 

“Well my roommate Asahi is moving to the room on the level above mine so one of the bed’s empty. If you don’t mind, you could come stay with me.”

 

The table went silent for a bit, stunned by Daichi's sudden proposal and Suga just didn’t know what to say.

 

“Really? I-I don’t know Daichi. A country bumpkin like me won’t fit well in a modern city like Tokyo. Besides…” He eyed his parents who hadn’t said a word. “I have to take care of my parents.”

 

“Koushi.” His mother called and Suga turned to see her staring back at him with an assuring smile. “Your father and I aren’t that old, we can take care of ourselves. This is a chance for you to get a decent paying job as well as go to Tokyo. You’ve always wanted to go there didn’t you? Don’t let us hold you back ...go for it. Go with Daichi to Tokyo.”

 

“Mum-”

 

He felt his mother’s hand squeezing his as she repeated, “You don’t have to worry about us at all. Just live your youth with more happiness and excitement. Your father and I would want nothing more than that.”

 

Suga fell silent as he thought through this. He could feel everyone’s eyes trained on him.

 

Tokyo had always seemed like such a faraway place to him. A distant dream. Now that Daichi was offering him a life there…was it alright to say yes?

 

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” his father chimed in, patting his shoulder reassuringly. “We just want you to have a happy youth. After all, you're only young once.”

 

“I’ll go.”

 

Everyone smiled and nodded.

 

“I’m going to Tokyo,” Suga breathed, unable to believe the words that had just left his mouth.

 

“Guess we’re gonna be roommates from now on Suga,” Daichi grinned, clapping a hand to his back. “You should pack immediately after dinner. We’re leaving at dawn.”

 

“Already bossing me around,” Suga teased, smiling from ear to ear.

 

They then returned to their meal with Suga bombarding him with more questions about Tokyo and what to expect, to which the latter answered between bouts of laughter, amused at his extreme enthusiasm.

 

“WAIT!” Suga suddenly cried out and raced upstairs for his phone. “I haven’t even called back to get the job!”

 

“YOU IDIOT!” Daichi’s voice boomed from downstairs.

 

 

Fortunately, Suga had secured the job interview and the pair was now on the first bus ride to Tokyo. He watched as the mountains and endless fields rolled by in a blur and tried to take in as much as the view as possible. It’d be a while before he got to see these again.

 

They spent a total of twenty five hours on the road, occasionally stopping for food and toilet breaks. At the twenty fifth hour, Suga watched as the last of the countryside cleared away, only to be replaced by buildings and skyscrapers that reached heights Suga never thought was possible.

 

And when he caught sight of the sign “Welcome to Tokyo City”, it hit him that he really was here. Tokyo was right in front of him –not in some magazine or behind a computer screen, but right in front of his own eyes.

 

When the bus finally came to a stop, Suga was unsurprisingly the first one out of the bus.

 

“Oi, you left all your bags in the bus idiot.” Daichi trailed behind him, holding on to all his stuff.

 

“Sorry!” Suga apologized with a grin. The taller boy could only chuckle at how adorable the latter looked when he was excited.

 

Daichi was glad in a way. The Suga right now seemed more like the Suga he knew. Young, excited and carefree.

 

They walked a few blocks down and reached the dormitory Daichi had been staying at and as he opened the door to his room, he shot Suga a sheepish smile and said, “Don’t expect too much alright.”

 

“I bet it’ll still beat sleeping on the streets.”

 

“That I can agree with.”

 

He pushed the door open to reveal a small but cosy interior and Suga instantly felt at home.

 

“I never expected you to be so tidy Daichi,” he teased as he scanned the room.

 

“Asahi’s a clean freak. He makes me eat chips outside because he’s afraid I’ll dirty the carpet. A great roommate he was. Can't say I miss him though.”

 

“Well, as long as I’m here, I’m not letting this room turn into a rubbish dump either,” Suga added, frowning at him to serve as a warning.

 

“Fine, fine…I guess I’ll go back to eating chips outside again…” Daichi sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat.

 

Suga continued exploring the room till his eyes landed on a picture framed on the wall.

 

“You keep a picture of us here?”

 

“Oh that…” Daichi bit his lip as he busied himself with helping Suga unpack. “Well…you’re my closest friend. Of course I’d miss you idiot.”

 

“Aw it was getting so sweet till you called me dumb. Way to ruin a moment Mochi.”

 

Daichi only threw a pair of underwear at Suga’s face and yelled at him to come unpack his own stuff to which Suga begrudgingly complied.

 

“So when’s the interview?”

 

“Tomorrow.”

 

“And where is it?”

 

“Azuba district. Penthouse number one.”

 

“You’re joking right? That’s the most expensive place to live in Tokyo! Are you gonna babysit the president’s son or something?”

 

“Don’t know,” Suga shrugged, folding his clothes into a neat pile. “All I know is that his name is Tooru Oikawa and he’s a quadriplegic.”

 

“Wait. Did you just say Oikawa?” Daichi asked in disbelief.

 

“Yeah. He’s the same age as well. Why?” Suga shot him an incredulous look.

 

“Oikawa-san was the captain of the volleyball club at my school and a fucking unbelievable volleyballer to top it off. His team almost won at nationals once and I was there to cheer them on. You should’ve seen him on the court. You wouldn’t even need to be a volleyballer to know he’s a prodigy.”

 

“Then…” Suga trailed off, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. “What happened?”

 

Daichi’s face darkened and he avoided his gaze.

 

“It’s tragic really. Apparently he was knocked down by a drunk driver while he was returning home from training. The impact didn’t kill him…but...it did leave most of his body paralyzed,” he explained grimly, and then looked up at Suga only to see tears brimming in his eyes.

 

“Suga! You’re crying!” He panicked and used the sleeve of his sweater to wipe away his tears.

 

“S-Sorry...it's just...that's terrible…” he hiccuped, tears spilling the more he thought of how terrible Oikawa’s fate was. “Shit. I want to take care of him more now.”

 

“Silly. That’ll be your job soon, you'll have to do it whether you like it or not,” Daichi chuckled, ruffling his grey hair. “It’s getting late. You should take a shower and then hit the sack asap.”

 

Suga nodded and wiped away his remaining tears before heading to the bathroom.

 

When his head hit the pillow that night, Suga couldn’t stop thinking about Tooru Oikawa. The boy he hadn’t met before. The boy he was going to meet tomorrow.

 

The boy who Suga was going to take care of starting tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So new city, new suga eh? I think he was just a bit toooo excited. Anyways, comments and critic are welcome and in the next chapter we'll have oisuga's first meeting! But I'm not too sure if Oikawa will be what you expected :x


	3. That Spark In His Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suga finally meets Oikawa!

Tokyo was surprisingly easy to navigate with buses and trains taking you to seemingly anywhere. Under Daichi’s instructions, Suga boarded a one way bus to Azuba.

 

As he settled himself down, he felt terribly out of place. There weren’t many people on the bus, save the occasional students fiddling with their phones that looked like it cost a bomb and donning jewelry that seemed to shine brighter than his future. Typical rich kids.

 

He was getting stares he noticed. But they weren’t staring at his face, rather, it was what was on his head. He sheepishly patted the rainbow hairband he had on and wondered if there was anything wrong with it.

 

Casting one last glance at the people staring at him, Suga pouted and sunk further into his seat so that his head was completely blocked.

 

The bus made a sharp turn and a row of houses came into view. But these houses weren’t anything Suga had seen before. Expensive mahogany made up their doors, security guards patrolling around and crystal fountains spurting out water. Did the bus just take him to heaven?

 

As it screeched to a halt, he alighted and stood in the middle of the neighborhood. If what he felt back in the bus was out of place, it was nothing compared to how he looked now. Hell, Suga figured the dogs here dressed better than him.

 

He unfolded the piece of paper in his wallet and examined it once more.

 

Azuba Residential District  
Penthouse 1  
Oikawa Residence

 

Heading further up the neighbourhood, Suga counted down the penthouse numbers till he finally reached the first one. He stood in front of the metal gate that towered over him and wondered how on earth was he going to get in.

 

There was a button near the gate above some speaker sort of thing. Suga went over to press it and jumped when a voice elicited a few seconds after.

 

“Oikawa residence. Who is this?”

 

“Koushi Sugawara. I-I came for the interview.”

 

“Come in. I’ll be at the porch.”

 

With that, the gates rumbled and slid aside to make way for him. Suga, a bit star struck, almost tripped as he entered. He trudged past the garden adorned with bonsai plants and a miniature waterfall till he caught sight of a tall lady standing on the platform by the front door. She was middle-aged but nevertheless stunning, and her bobbed hair looked like it was cut with much precision.

 

“Hello, you must be Sugawara-san?” she asked, arching an eyebrow at his peculiar hairband.

 

“Yep! Nice to meet you…Mrs Oikawa?” He held out a hand like his parents had instructed him to do so with meetings like these.

 

She shook his hand before withdrawing it swiftly. “Yes. My name is Ayano Oikawa. Thank you so much for coming.”

 

Suga let out a nervous laughter, trying stop his nerves from showing.

 

“Have a seat,” she offered, extending a hand to the two arm chairs by the porch.

 

Once they were settled down, Suga felt her eyes trained on him, as if she were already assessing him. He tucked a stray hair behind his ear self-consciously and handed over his job reference.

 

“So…Sugawara-san…do you have any experience with quadriplegics?”

 

“Not at all.”

 

“What about caretaking?” She added, scribbling something down on her notebook.

 

“I’ve never actually done it…” Suga felt his cheeks redden.

 

“I see…” She pursed her lips and he flinched. How on earth did he have so much confidence in getting the job in the first place?

 

“Do you have any knowledge of what a quadriplegic is?”

 

“Erm…When you’re stuck in a wheelchair?”

 

“True but not entirely so. There are varying degrees but in my son’s case, we’re talking about complete loss of use of the legs and very limited use of the hands and arms. Would that bother you Sugawara-san?”

 

“As long as it doesn’t bother him then I’m good,” Suga beamed but she didn’t return the gesture.

 

“Can you drive?”

 

“Yes.” Though the only times Suga drove a car was to help Ukai transport goods to the store.

 

“Clean license?”

 

“Spotless.”

 

She checked something off her list.

 

“And how old are you Sugawara-san?”

 

“Nineteen. The same age as your son.”

 

There was the slightest hint of surprise on her face and Suga tried not to take it as an insult.

 

“It says here on your job reference that you’ve worked at your previous job for four years?”

 

“Yep. I would’ve stayed but my boss had to close down the shop.”

 

“I see…” Mrs Oikawa trailed off, her eyes scanning his job reference. “Your previous employer says you are bubbly, cheerful and chatty. An all-around…ball of sunshine?”

 

“I paid him to say that,” he joked.

 

She didn’t laugh, poker face reappearing.

 

 _Shit_ , he thought, quickly averting his gaze to the waterfall roaring in the distance and begged that she'd forget what he'd just said.

 

He felt her eyes trained on him again and was sure she was definitely studying him –not necessarily in a good way. It made him feel like the pink button down he had on was too much, and his body hugging jeans deemed him a fashion disaster. Don’t even get him started on his rainbow hairband. He just had no idea what was socially acceptable in Tokyo. He even had trouble figuring out the social norm back in his hometown.

 

“So, what aspirations do you have in life then, Sugawara-san?”

 

Taken aback by her question, Suga chewed on his lip. “Well…I’d definitely love to go to University, but right now…I just want to get back to working as soon as I can.”

 

She nodded and Suga figured she probably understood why he sounded so stupid now.

 

“Alright,” she said, setting down her notebook. “Now, can you tell me why should I employ you instead of all the others that I’ve interviewed before you?”

 

That was the question Suga knew he was completely incapable of answering despite brainstorming the whole night. He was just going to have to answer honestly then.

 

“To be frank…I don’t know. It’s your call Mrs Oikawa.”

 

Suga reached for his job reference and packed it into his sling bag. There was no way he was getting the job now.

 

“You don’t have a single reason why I should employ you?”

 

“W-Well I-” Suga suddenly thought of his parents and Daichi and how he didn’t want to be on the first bus home the next day. Another failure was beyond him. A sudden surge of indignation pulsed through him.

 

He couldn’t let this chance slip by. He wasn’t going to give up so easily this time.

 

 

He straightened up in his seat. “I…I’m a fast learner, I’m practically immune to sickness and I’m strong, though I may not look like it, I could probably carry your son around if need be.”

 

Mrs Oikawa was looking at him a bit strangely, as if weighing the degree of truth in his words.

 

“I’m not afraid of hard work and I’ve had encounters with all sorts of people and I…and I…” Suga lost his train of thoughts and he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. “I just want to take care of Oikawa-san…and I’ll definitely do my best to be a friend to him.”

 

The elegant lady gazed at him with a hint of surprise on her face, taken aback by his sudden outburst of words. Her eyes strayed to the Japanese garden beside them and Suga noticed a profound sadness creeping up on her pretty features.

 

“My son was knocked down by a drunk driver almost a year ago. He requires twenty-four hour care which is provided mostly by a trained nurse. I’ve recently returned to work which is why I need a caretaker to be here while I’m gone in the day to keep him company as well as to help him with his meals and generally provide an extra pair of arms and legs. And most importantly, make sure that he comes nowhere near harm.” Mrs Oikawa’s fingers dug into her skirt. “I need someone who understands the responsibility that comes with taking care of Tooru.”

 

“I understand.” Suga began to reach for his sling bag, waiting for her to say he didn’t fit her criteria of a caretaker and asking him to leave.

 

“So would you like the job?”

 

“S-Sorry?” It was so unexpected that Suga didn’t hear her properly. “You’d rather hire me than…”

 

“I’ll need you to start straight away. Your wages will be given at the end of each week. The hours aren’t short. 8am till 7pm, maybe even later at times. There’s no lunch break but when Tsukishima-san, his daily nurse, comes around in the afternoon to attend to Tooru, there should be a free half an hour.”

 

“I wouldn’t need to be medically qualified do I? I never-”

 

“No. Tooru has all his medical needs taken care of. I just want someone upbeat and...full of life…to raise his morale a bit. His mental welfare is just as important as his physical welfare, understood?”

 

Suga nodded. “Will I need to wear a uniform or something?”

 

“That isn’t required.” Her gaze averted to the headband he had on and faintly clouded with distaste. “Though you should try wearing something less…silly.”

 

His cheeks burned and he nodded sheepishly.

"I'll work on that."

 

“Well. Are you ready to meet my son then?”

 

“Yes!” he burst out, but then mentally slapped himself for coming off too creepy.

 

“Very well. Follow me then.”

 

She opened the door and they both stepped into a grand hall with an equally as extravagant marble staircase in the middle and a crystal chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. Suga could imagine most of his and Daichi’s childhood adventures taking place in this single room.

 

They then took a turn, much to his disappointment, and entered the corridor beside the staircase and Mrs Oikawa took the chance to show him around.

 

“This is the kitchen. Help yourself to some pastries and tea whenever you feel like it. Also, I would expect you to prepare Tooru’s three meals. You’re a competent cook I hope?”

 

Suga’s chest swelled in pride. If there was one thing he was good at, cooking would be it.

 

“I am,” he grinned. “I worked at a diner once for a whole summer.”

 

Mrs Oikawa smiled back and Suga felt like he was finally starting to get on her good side.

 

“That’ll be the bathroom,” she pointed out. To which Suga flinched as he suddenly thought of something that’s been bothering him since the start. He wondered if it was alright to ask.

 

“Will I…need to accompany him while he erm….relieves himself?”

 

Mrs Oikawa blinked and let out a little laugh.

 

“His catheter takes care of that. You don’t have to worry about the physical stuff, just offer him some company and you’ll be doing your job just fine.”

 

Suga instinctively sighed in relief which he immediately tried to disguise as a cough.

 

“I should repeat that it’s very important that Tooru has someone with him at all times. The caregiver before you went away for an hour or so and Tooru he…injured himself in her absence.” Mrs Oikawa eyes were glazed, as if she didn’t want to bring up that memory again.

 

“I won’t stray Mrs Oikawa,” he assured.

 

“Good that.” She took out a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes.

 

They continued down the hall and Suga silently wondered how long this thing could go. Mrs Oikawa was giving him some more instructions and she spoke like someone reciting a well-rehearsed poem.

 

“If Tooru is occupied then I would appreciate if you could help to do some cleaning up around the house, you know, like wash the sheets, vacuum the floor, watering the plants, and so on.” She paused as they reached a door that was larger than all its other counterparts. It looked like a wheelchair could easily fit through.

 

“No problem. What does he like to do by the way?”

 

“He usually listens to music on his mp3 player and watches whatever that’s on TV. He’ll tell you what he wants.”

 

Suga visibly brightened. If Oikawa liked music and watching TV, that would make room for plenty of conversations.

 

“This is Tooru’s room,” she said, and then hesitated before knocking. “Are you alright Tooru? I have Sugawara-san to meet you.”

 

No one answered.

 

Then a deep voice resounded.

 

“He’s alright Mrs Oikawa.”

 

She gave the door a push to reveal a pastel colored room which was decorated in a minimalistic style. A fireplace was already lighted at the corner to which Suga was grateful for.

 

And at the far end, right next to the queen sized bed, was a ridiculously tall man dressed in a white doctor’s coat. Next to him, sat a handsome boy in his wheelchair, his chocolate locks swept outwards and was dressed in a simple white button down.

 

He didn’t make any movement as Suga approached him.

 

“Hi! I’m Koushi Sugawara. You can call me Suga for short, I’ll be your caretaker starting from today.” He put on his most suga-like smile.

 

Oikawa did nothing to acknowledge him. He didn’t even look him in the eye.

 

“Er well…” Suga started, embarrassed by the rejection.

 

“I’m Tsukishima Kei, Oikawa-san’s nurse. Nice to meet you,” the tall blond beside him introduced, holding out a hand to which Suga readily accepted.

 

“I’ll leave you three to get along. If you need anything you can just ring my number. You be good alright Tooru,” she said as if she were talking to a baby.

 

The boy didn’t reply, his gaze fixated somewhere else. His mother only sighed and dipped her head before leaving the room.

 

“Will you come over here for a while, Sugawara-san?” Tsukishima called and Suga followed him to the lengthy cabinet opposite the bed.

 

“I only come in the afternoon or in emergencies so this is a booklet which basically tells you what medicine you need to give and when.” He handed a stack of paper to him and opened the cabinet. “Here’s where all the medicine’s located and it’s all clearly labelled so you’ll have an easy time knowing which is what.”

 

Suga stared at the array of pills and bottles. “That’s a lot of medicine.”

 

“I know. It’s overwhelming at first but you’ll get used to it,” Tsukishima smiled, and Suga thought he was a nice person to be with.

 

“So all I need to know is in this booklet?”

 

“Yep. But if you’re unsure of anything just ring me up, though I’m probably at school when I’m not here so I’d appreciate if you don’t spam my call logs.”

 

“I’ll try my best,” Suga chuckled sheepishly.

 

Tsukishima glanced at his watch and then peeled off his gloves.

 

“Well I’ll have to get going. I’ll leave you two to get-” He shot a sideward glance at Oikawa who still hadn’t said a word. “Try to get friendly with each other.”

 

He picked up his suitcase and gave Oikawa a good natured pat on the shoulder, to which the latter gave a faint smile back, before he waved goodbye to Suga and left the room.

 

The door closed behind him with a quiet thud, plunging the room into silence.

 

Suga took off his sling bag and placed it on the coffee table by the fireplace and headed towards Oikawa.

 

“Nice place you have here,” he commented, trying to strike up a conversation. “My house looks like a closet in comparison.”

 

No answer.

 

“Well is there anything you’d like? Are you hungry? I’m a pretty good cook.”

 

Silence. Suga’s shoulders slumped.

 

“I…I heard you like TV, would you like to watch-”

 

“Here’s the deal,” Oikawa finally spoke, his mellow voice surprising him a bit. “I can tell that you’re quite…talkative. So can we make a deal where you’re _not_ talkative?”

 

Suga’s face darkened. That hurt a bit.

 

“Well…if that’s what you want….”

 

“Yes. It is.”

 

“I’ll just clean up this place a bit then.”

 

Oikawa ignored him, only staring out at the window before him where the sunlight poured down on his face. Suga thought the image was beautiful. If only he didn’t look so lifeless.

 

Picking up a broom and dustpan, Suga started sweeping the floor but it must’ve been swept beforehand as dirt was practically non-existent. In fact, now that he noticed, the room smelled strongly of disinfectant too. But he kept up with his cleaning as he didn’t want to just stand there all day long doing nothing.

 

He came across a bookcase at the corner near the door and saw that one of its shelves was lined with photographs.

 

He leaned forward to get a closer look. They were photos of Oikawa during his volleyball days.

 

Suga scanned the pictures as if they were a precious clue of what kind of person Oikawa was. There was a group shot with what Suga assumed were his teammates. They were all gathered around a huge trophy and smiling triumphantly.

 

Oikawa was in the middle, sticking his tongue out and closing one eye as he posed for the camera. He was incredibly attractive. Suga looked at the boy at the far corner of the room and then back at the picture.

 

They were the same person. Except, his brilliant smile was gone and the shine in his eyes that implied his zest for life was gone too.

 

They looked the same. But they weren’t the same.

 

Suga casted a glance at him again and wondered if Tooru Oikawa could ever get it back.

 

That spark of life in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the chapter wasn't too long and boring~ I got carried away. Oh and I fixed some typos in the previous chapters also changed how long it took to Tokyo which a reader kindly pointed out that three days was far too long HAHA my bad xD Oh and I'm updating as much as I can before school starts next week and i won't be able to write as often anymore so bear with me! Thanks for reading and a comment to tell me how you feel is appreciated too! :D


	4. Meltdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suga finally puts Oikawa in place.

When Suga returned to the dormitory that day, Daichi never saw the latter this down his whole life.

 

"What's wrong? You look like you just aged a hundred years old."

 

Suga untangled himself from his sling bag and threw it on his bed before proceeding to plop himself on it. The rainbow hairband barely kept his hair together now as most of his locks had stuck out in weird angles.

 

Daichi shook his head and put away his textbook.

 

"Did something happen at work? I suppose you got the job since you're back so late."

 

"He hates me Daichi," Suga pouted, staring at the ceiling.

 

"You mean Oikawa-san? Why?"

 

"He won't let me talk to him and even when I do, he just keeps quiet. It's frustrating as heck!"

 

"Well maybe he just needs some warming up to."

 

"I know but even the most socially awkward person would've known better than to ignore someone the whole damn day," Suga ranted, pulling his hairband off. "Especially when that someone's just trying to keep you company."

 

Daichi glanced at his exhausted face and silently pitied him.

 

"Oikawa-san's been through a lot, it's not surprising he won't open up to others. You just have to grow some balls and be persistent Suga."

 

"Was your little speech supposed to cheer me up or something?" Suga scowled.

 

Daichi chuckled and shook his head. "Nope. But I know what will."

 

Suga raised an eyebrow and turned to look at Daichi who had taken a box out of his bag.

 

"What?"

 

"See for yourself." He placed it into Suga's outstretched hand.

 

He sat up and placed it in his lap. Shooting Daichi a suspicious look, he slowly opened the box and when he took a look at its contents, he broke out into a broad smile.

 

"DANGO!"

 

Almost instantly, Suga reached for a stick and bit off one. He was surprised that it was still warm and absolutely delicious. He looked at his best friend and leaped up to give him a hug.

 

"I wuf ew," he yelled, words muffled from the red bean paste in his mouth.

 

"O-Oi don't get your dango filled mouth near me," Daichi warned, though he didn't resist being hugged by the latter.

 

Suga grinned and went back to his bed to chew on another dango. A small part of Daichi wished he hadn't said what he said earlier. Suga always gave the best hugs.

 

 

And so the days rolled by in a boring blur for Suga. He repeated the same routine everyday. Go to the Oikawa's, give some medicine, try to strike up a conversation, get ignored and then end up cleaning the already spotless house for the rest of his shift.

 

He wasn't exactly happy with Oikawa being this adamant about having no conversations at all, but it still beat him saying mean things when he did talk.

 

There was also nothing he dreaded more than the boy's meal times and Suga had a feeling Oikawa felt the same way too. How he refused to meet his eye as he fed him said it all.

 

And now as Suga placed the carrots back on the plate after Oikawa had absolutely refused to have them, he never felt more exhausted.

 

While the latter wasn't looking, Suga had mashed some carrots and hid it under a generous spoonful of porridge. Oikawa ate it with no objections and it felt like a silent victory for Suga till he noticed the furrow between his brows.

 

"Are you _actually_ sneaking bits of carrots into my mouth?" Oikawa asked, slightly baffled.

 

This marked the first words he'd spoken to Suga in a week.

 

"You found out?" He replied, unable to stop himself from smiling. Oikawa was finally talking to him.

 

"It isn't exactly hard to taste a carrot when you're fed with porridge that tastes so bland."

 

The smile on Suga's face faltered and he tried to wave off his insult with a forced laugh.

 

"Wow you actually managed to distinguish its taste? You're more gourmet than I thought!"

 

Oikawa didn't crack a smile.

 

"I'll have you know my taste buds are still functioning well enough Sugawara-san. Unlike the rest of my body."

 

"No I didn't mean it like-god! I didn't mean to put it that way...I...I'm sorry Oikawa-san."

 

He didn't answer. His wheelchair backed away and wheeled off back into his room, leaving Suga alone by the dining table.

 

Suga's face sunk into his hands. This was the first time Oikawa had spoken to him in a week and he just had to screw it up.

 

He sighed and got up to wash the dishes. He never thought he'd missed his old job this much. Sure, Ukai was pretty bossy at times but he definitely didn't give him a hard time like Oikawa had been doing ever since he got here.

 

Suga wondered how Tsukishima managed to get on just fine with him. He even heard Oikawa chuckle a couple of times while the nurse was doing his daily routine. Was it just that Oikawa didn't like him or did he treat everyone the same way?

 

But that wouldn't be it. Tsukishima completely debunked his theory.

 

He exhaled heavily as he ran the dishwasher. Daichi's words played back in his head and his fingers curled up at his sides.

 

All he needed to do was to grow a thick skin and continue what he had been doing. Oikawa would soften up one day. He had to eventually. He couldn't be stubborn forever.

 

And so, Suga found himself spending the rest of his shift doing what he'd mostly been doing the whole week. Chores.

 

While he was at the back of the house, hanging out sheets to dry, he caught a glimpse of Oikawa by the window in his room. He didn't seem to notice him at all, only gazing up at the clear sky, lost in thought.

 

He always looked so listless, like he was a few steps removed from the world around him.

 

Suga wondered if this was his defense mechanism. That the only way he coped with his life was to pretend it wasn't him that it was happening to. And he swore he'd never met a sadder person in his life.

 

Oikawa wasn't trashing about on the floor in despair or crying his eyes out. He couldn't do any of that to begin with. So his sadness was translated into silence, never choosing to interact with another if given the choice.

 

His eyes watered and Suga found himself on the verge of tears again. He took a moment to calm down and then quickly wiped his eyes.

 

He couldn't give up on Oikawa this easily he thought. He wasn't going to allow himself to.

 

The next day, Suga entered the house and down the corridor to Oikawa's room, only to be stopped by Mrs Oikawa right before he reached for the doorknob.

 

"I think it's better if you don't go in yet. Oikawa's highschool friend is here and it'll be a bit of a...bother if you go in right now," she explained, sounding a little apologetic.

 

"Okay. I'll just go bring his guest a drink and I'll be out in a jiff."

 

Mrs Oikawa mouthed a thank you and Suga headed to the kitchen to fix a pot of tea and another pot of coffee just in case whoever it was didn't prefer either one.

 

He balanced the tray of drinks in one hand as he opened the door as quietly as possible.

 

"...you should come Oikawa. You're our captain."

 

"I _was_ , Iwaizumi-san."

 

The solidly built boy on the armchair beside Oikawa seemed to falter a bit.

 

"What's with all the formality? You used to always call me Iwa-chan even though I scolded you a lot for it," He joked.

 

"I used to do a lot of other things too Iwaizumi-san...but not anymore I guess. I'm sorry I don't think I'll be there to watch your match at nationals. But I wish you all the best," Oikawa said, offering a smile that didn't seem to reach his eyes.

 

"But..." He persisted, "You were our captain and all our teammates will be so happy to see you there...won't you come to cheer us on?"

 

Oikawa erupted in mock laughter. "I don't think I'm capable of cheering anyone on in this state."

 

Iwaizumi's head dipped and he let out a resigned sigh, his face growing noticeably darker and gaze wavering as he took in Oikawa's expressionless state.

 

"I'll leave a note here with details of the match. You can come if you change your mind. I hope you do. We'll all be thrilled," he emphasised, placing a note on the coffee table before getting up. "I'll be leaving now. You take care of yourself alright Oikawa?"

 

The chocolate haired boy flashed a quick smile that reminded Suga of a grimace.

 

"See you." Iwaizumi returned a weak smile and then headed for the door but paused when he saw Suga standing there, holding a tray with a cup and two teapots perched on it.

 

"You are?"

 

"I'm Koushi Sugawara, Oikawa-san's caretaker," he introduced cheerfully before holding out the tray to him. "Would you like some refreshments before you go?"

 

"Ah no it's okay. Thanks anyway," he said before walking past him. It was just the two of them in the room again.

 

Suga placed the drinks on the table and turned to offer Oikawa some but he cut him off.

 

"Please...I just want a quiet moment alone."

 

"But-"

 

"Please."

 

Suga met his dark brown eyes which seemed to be begging him to agree to his request, and nodded curtly before leaving the room.

 

Outside, Suga stationed himself right by the door, just in case anything cropped up.

 

But the room remained silent as the minutes ticked by and nothing happened. Suga wondered if he was looking out the window again.

 

Then just as he was about to go off into the kitchen to fix lunch, he heard a crash and then the shattering of glass.

 

He panicked and dashed towards his room. Suga prayed that he was alright, he'd forgotten Mrs Oikawa's warning and had left him alone for some time. If anything happened he was sure she'd sue him.

 

He burst through the door to find Oikawa by the bookcase, a walking stick balanced on his armrest. There wasn't a single photograph left on the shelf. It all lay among shattered glass on the floor.

 

Suga panted as he scrutinized the mess with bewilderment. His eyes met Oikawa's dark brown ones which stared back at his coldly, daring him to offer him comfort.

 

He swallowed as he looked at the pile of shattered glass. He made out the group photo which was obscured by a bent frame and bits of glass. Oikawa continued glaring at him, expecting Suga to snap at him.

 

"Can the tires get punctured by these?" Suga enquired calmly, noticing the change in his expression. "Cuz I don't know jack about changing tires."

 

Oikawa's eyes widened a bit, and then the faintest flicker of a smile appeared on his lips.

 

"Don't you dare move. I'll go get a broom to clean this all up."

 

As Suga left to get what he needed, he could almost swear he heard him say sorry.

 

 

"Shit," Suga cursed. He just got another splinter.

 

He had gone out the previous night to get some wood glue, thinking that he could still salvage some of the pictures that weren't too damaged.

 

Ignoring the stinging pain under his nails, he applied glue on the different parts of the frame and slowly stuck them back together one by one. Once it was back in one piece, he slipped the photograph in.

 

He held up the picture and a chuckle escaped him as he admired his work. He always had a knack for crafts.

 

"Why'd you fix it?"

 

His head whipped back to see Oikawa by the kitchen door, eyeing the photograph in his hands with very obvious distaste.

 

"Well I thought you might regret it someday so I fixed it."

 

"You don't get it do you?" he mocked, and Suga's face fell. "You're just like everyone else. You think you know what's best for me and never actually bother to know what I really want. Well if you really pay attention Sugawara-san, I didn't exactly break those pictures because I wanted them fixed and placed back on my shelf."

 

"I wasn't going to fix the ones with your team. I'm not that much of an-"

 

"You don't have to. You don't have to fix anything. The point is I broke those pictures because I didn't want to have them staring at me while I lay in bed all night, not being able to even look away until someone finally comes and lifts me up."

 

Suga felt his cheeks blazing and he slammed the photograph on the table, eliciting a loud thud. Before he could even register what he was thinking, the words flew out of his mouth.

 

"You know I'd really appreciate it if you didn't act like a complete asshole for once."

 

Oikawa's forehead creased.

 

"What?"

 

"I'm just here to do my job. I genuinely wanted to be a friend to you at the start but after all the hell you've put me through -I don't care anymore. So please just let me do my job in _peace_."

 

"And what if I told you I never wanted you here?"

 

"Your _mother's_ the one who employed me, not _you_. As long as she doesn't say a word then I'm staying. It's not because I particularly like you or what not, I couldn't care less. It's just my parents are back home waiting for me to pay the bills and put food on the table so I need this job...I really, really need this job."

 

Suga's eyes had gone watery and Oikawa blinked at him in astonishment, as if not used to anyone arguing with him this way

 

The boy heaved a sigh, as if in compliance, and then whirled his wheelchair in the direction of his bedroom door.

 

"You have a point," he replied nochalantly. "Just keep those photographs in the reading room then."

 

And with that, he disappeared into his room, leaving Suga to stare tearfully at where he had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll probably be updating daily from now till monday. How was the chapter? I guess even the sweetest cinnamon rolls have their breaking points too :x Oikawa will stop dicking around in the chapters to come, promise! As always comments are absolutely wonderful, I'd love to hear what you think of the story ^^


	5. Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in less than a day? I'm getting way too invested in this fic :x

Suga watched as Tsukishima went about his daily routine with Oikawa that included changing his catheter, giving him antibiotics and cracking jokes to which the boy actually laughed at.

 

Suga was secretly jealous of how comfortable he was with Tsukishima. But he figured after what happened yesterday, Oikawa was going to ignore his existence forever.

 

"Will you turn on the TV, Sugawara-san?" Oikawa requested, surprisingly polite, completely opposite to what Suga thought he’d be.

 

He nodded and reached for the remote. The screen lit up and played the news.

 

"Change it to channel fifteen."

 

He keyed in the numbers and the screen switched to a different channel. They were apparently watching Naruto now. Suga tried hard not to laugh. Sometimes he forgot that Oikawa was only nineteen.

 

Tsukishima was just about done with what he needed to do and bent forward for his suitcase.

 

"You be nice, Oikawa-san."

 

Said boy snorted.

 

"I'm always nice."

 

"And I'm straight as a ruler," Tsukishima retaliated.

 

"Yeah right you are," Oikawa coughed.

 

"And there's my response to your answer."

 

They both roared in laughter and Suga stood there awkwardly, giggling a bit to cover up how out of place he felt.

 

The tall blond gave Oikawa's shoulder a squeeze before he took his leave, whispering something to Suga on the way out.

 

"He's good today."

 

Suga smiled weakly and waved goodbye. He didn't want Tsukishima to leave, he'd be stuck here alone with Oikawa otherwise. And after the scene he made yesterday, Suga wouldn't be able to handle the awkwardness.

 

"What're you standing there for?" Oikawa suddenly questioned, lifting a brow.

 

"I er..." Suga started, twirling his fingers. "I'll go make lunch."

 

"No need, I'm not hungry. Come and watch this with me," he ordered, gaze shifting to the seat beside him.

 

Suga blinked and wondered if he was hearing things right.

 

"You mean on that…armchair? Beside you?"

 

"Unless you prefer sitting on the carpet."

 

The light grey haired boy chewed on his lip nervously and went to settle himself down just beside Oikawa who was engrossed in what was going on in the screen.

 

"You like anime too?" Suga asked, a faint enthusiasm showing in his voice.

 

"Guilty pleasure."

 

"What kind?"

 

"Shounen. The rest are too sappy for me." Oikawa turned to look at him with a gentle smile. "What about yours?"

 

Suga blinked and avoided his gaze, suddenly feeling guilty for how he acted.

 

"I like shoujo."

 

He looked at him funnily, amusement spreading throughout his face.

 

"Really?"

 

"I know. It's for girls. But you can't blame me for wanting to watch some romance when I can't really get any in real life."

 

"You've never had a girlfriend?"

 

Suga shook his head. "I don't date girls. But I've never had a boyfriend either. You?"

 

"I had a girlfriend once in junior high," Oikawa answered flatly, scrunching his nose a bit, as if it hadn't brought back any fond memories. "But she dumped me after a few weeks. Never bothered about dating since."

 

"You don't sound sad at all."

 

"Nah," he waved off. "I think she was the reason I've grown tired of girls."

 

Suga laughed and sunk back into his seat. He was completely taken aback by Oikawa's overnight change in behaviour. They were able to talk so comfortably now. Suga never felt gladder.

 

He gazed out at the window. The end of autumn was approaching, the trees were already shedding its last leaves. Suga was starting to feel the chills.

 

Then without thinking, he took off his scarf adorned with Halloween pumpkins and wrapped it around Oikawa's neck snugly.

 

The latter had seemed surprised by his sudden gesture and shot him a questioning look.

 

"Don't want you catching a cold," Suga replied, eyes disappearing into half-moons.

 

He watched as Oikawa's eyes filled with confusion, as if he was trying to figure him out, but then shifted his gaze back to the screen.

 

It wasn't long before he broke the silence again.

 

"By the way..."

 

Suga's attention jumped from the screen to Oikawa and he tilted his head expectantly.

 

"Just what is it with you and your weird fashion sense?"

 

 

 

 

Despite Oikawa seemingly starting to open up to Suga, their chance at friendship was cut short when Oikawa started to feel unwell the following days.

 

Suga would come into the room to see him still lying in his bed, wheelchair abandoned at the side. When Tsukishima asked if he felt like getting out of bed that day, Oikawa always declined.

 

The nurse was a bit worried at his sudden unwillingness to get onto his wheelchair when that was usually the only thing he looked forward to these days. Oikawa never liked to stay in one place for too long. He always craved a change in surrounding, be it if it was just from his room to the kitchen.

 

The fireplace crackled softly, the fire burning warm and bright. Suga had made sure to stock it up with more firewood as winter drew closer to their doorsteps and he didn't want to risk Oikawa catching a cold.

 

Oikawa had fallen asleep. Tsukishima was washing up his equipment when he caught Suga's worried eyes.

 

"I don't know what's gotten over him either."

 

"He's not hurting anywhere is he? Or ill?"

 

"He's always hurting, Suga-san. Backsores and all. But it's been much better ever since we got him a new mattress."

 

Suga sighed sadly, pursing his lips as his heart went out to the nineteen year old boy who was suffering way more than anybody should.

 

"But his nightmares are coming back," Tsukishima added softly, adjusting his glasses.

 

The shorter boy widened his gaze and his fingers dug into his thighs.

 

"Nightmares?"

 

"Yeah. It was finally stopping but whenever I come over these few days to do his morning routine for him, I can hear him screaming through the door. And I figured his nightmares must've been coming back again."

 

"What do you think he dreamed of?"

 

"Well..." Tsukishima hesitated, contemplating whether or not to tell him. "I guess he was dreaming of who he was a year ago. Just a normal boy with a love for volleyball. Serving, spiking, winning. And having to wake up to find yourself unable to do that ever again...I think that would shake up even the best of us."

 

Suga gazed at Oikawa's sleeping form, so peacefully serene. He was having a good dream right now. For his sake, Suga hoped it was. 

 

 

 

 

He now sat by the window Oikawa always looked out of, reading his manga and enjoying the tranquility in the warm cabin. Night had fallen and it was snowing quite heavily.

 

Suga wrapped his scarf around him tighter, a few shivers escaping him. He strolled towards the fireplace and stuck his hands out in an attempt to get warmer, his eyes straying to Oikawa sleeping on the bed.

 

He wondered if the boy was warm enough and went back to his bedside. He picked up the thick, cotton blanket and pulled it up to his neck. His finger’s brushed against his skin and he was alarmed to find him burning up.

 

Suga placed a hand on his forehead just to make sure and grimaced when he found it also hot to touch.

 

“ _Oh my god he’s burning up_ ,” he whispered harshly to himself.

 

He contemplated over who to call first –Tsukishima or Mrs Oikawa? But ultimately decided it was the nurse who could be of better help in this situation and leaped up to get his phone.

 

“Suga…Sugawara-san?”

 

His ears perked up and he sat back down on the bed to see that Oikawa had woken up, his face paler than usual and he flew into a worried frenzy.

 

“Oh god your temperature’s too high Oikawa-san! I-I have to go call Tsukishima right away. Like right now,” He stuttered, getting up swiftly.

 

“Don’t go.”

 

“But you’re burning up! If I don’t get help right away you’ll…”

 

“ _Please_.” His voice went softer than it had been. Suga saw his fingers struggling against the sheets and hesitated for a bit, before he settled down by his side and encased his trembling hands in his own.

 

“Are you feeling unwell anywhere? I mean apart from the fact that you’re literally on fire.”

 

He watched as Oikawa’s eyelashes fluttered softly. His chocolate eyes laced with fatigue despite having been drifting in and out of sleep all week.

 

“I’m fine Sugawara-san.”

 

“Call me Suga.”

 

“I’m fine Suga-san.”

 

He exhaled heavily and wiped off the beads of sweat on his own forehead.

 

“Tell me something good.”

 

Suga frowned, confused with his sudden request. But then thought of how Oikawa’s hands were getting warmer by the minute and decided to strike a deal.

 

“Only if you let me call Tsukishima-san after that.”

 

Oikawa blinked slowly, agreeing to the exchange.

 

“Well…” Suga trailed off into his thoughts.

 

His face then lit up when he finally thought of something and met Oikawa’s awaiting gaze with child-like excitement.

 

“When I was little, we had this play based off this old folktale and I was casted as a dango, the green one! Basically all I did was bounce around the stage and I remembered getting a heck load of headaches after that,” he giggled, fond memories coming back to him. “But I got to keep the dango costume in the end. Sooo worth it.”

 

“A _dango_ costume?” Oikawa snorted. “What kid gets that excited over a big green dumpling?”

 

“Hey! I really loved that costume, I even wore it to school for a whole week! The other kids used to call me Dangowara,” he beamed.

 

“Now that’s a sad name to be stuck with.”

 

“What? Do you have some kind of fued with dumplings? You don’t seem to like them a lot,” Suga pouted.

 

“Nothing. Just I’d rather eat it than be it.”

 

“Oh come on. I was a kid. Besides…haven’t you ever loved anything that much?”

 

Oikawa went silent and Suga instantly regretted saying that.

 

“I have.”

 

The both of them kept their eyes locked against each other’s, as if trying to figure out more of the person in front of them. Suga felt his minty breath blowing against his face, warming his cheeks till it turned rosy.

 

Oikawa blinked at the sight in front of him. He’d never seen Suga this close before. His hazel eyes reflected his own which blended together perfectly. He was faintly reminded that some beautiful things still existed in this world.

 

“Okay I kept my end of the deal, now it’s time to keep yours. I’ll get Tsukishima-san to come over,” Suga offered a weak smile and got up.

 

 

 

 

 

Tsukishima came bursting through the door, his winter coat still on and his boots leaving a trail of snow behind him.

 

“Y-You’re here!” Suga called out, in the middle of placing another wet cloth on Oikawa’s forehead.

 

“Yeah, it’s snowing quite badly now and I don’t live particularly near here -how’s Oikawa-san?”

 

“His temperature’s still too high.”

 

Tsukishima scrutinized the thick blanket that was keeping Oikawa warm and immediately ran over to pull it off.

 

“It was in the booklet Sugawara!” he half yelled. “Oikawa-san's hypothalamus doesn’t work like ours that means he hasn’t broken a single sweat after the accident! God his body’s going haywire right now. Get the fan and some more water. _Now_.”

 

Tsukishima’s sudden outburst startled Suga and he wasted no time in running off to fetch him what he needed.

 

The blond raced for the medicine cabinet and the sound of bottles being moved around filled the room. He found the extra strong fever pills and hurried back to Oikawa’s side.

 

“Oikawa-san, these are fever meds. You have to take them,” Tsukishima instructed softly. He helped him sit up and let the boy lean against his arm as he fed him the pills before letting him have some water to help it stay down.

 

Suga had reappeared in that moment with a portable fan as well as a pail of water, sweating profusely.

 

“Set the fan down there right in front of his bed so that the wind reaches him.”

 

He did what he was told and then went to place the pail of water by the bedside cabinet.

 

“Okay he needs some wiping down now. Lend me a hand.”

 

Suga nodded and went to wet the cloth again.

 

Oikawa had fallen asleep in the nurse’s arms, thanks to the medicine’s side effects kicking in, and Tsukishima carefully held him away and peeled off his top. He stretched out a hand to which Suga placed a wet cloth in and began wiping him down, starting from the back of his neck to the bottom of his spine.

 

“Will you wipe his arms for me? I can’t do that while holding him.”

 

“Y-Yes Tsukishima san.” The blond knew that he was intimidating Suga but getting Oikawa’s temperature back to normal was his only goal now.

 

Suga placed the damp cloth on Oikawa’s shoulders and rubbed it gently against his milky skin. He could feel the faint outlines of his biceps that he hadn’t quite lost yet and figured Oikawa really was obsessed with volleyball.

 

His gaze flitted over to his face and saw that it wasn’t scrunched up in discomfort now. Relief washed over him.

 

His hands went over to hold up his wrist when he felt something strange on it. Turning it over, his blood turned cold when he saw the remnants of a very, very deep cut.

 

He gawked at it in horror. It wasn’t the fact that there was a cut on his wrist that bothered him, but the fact that it looked like it had been sliced through several times.

 

Did Oikawa do this to himself?

 

Suga gulped when he thought of the real question he wanted to ask.

 

He couldn’t take his eyes away from his new discovery till Tsukishima asked if anything was wrong and Suga snapped out of his trance.

 

“We’ll have to keep on doing this till his fever goes down. Unfortunately, the snow’s too heavy for him to go to the hospital so we’ll have to wait and see tomorrow,” Tsukishima explained. He noticed the dazed look in his eyes again. “Is there something wrong Sugawara-san? You look quite bothered.”

 

“Oh. Oh it’s nothing,” he waved off. “I’ll go fetch some more water.”

 

Tsukishima watched as he left the room in a huff. The stone cold expression he had on told him that something was up.

 

As the tap ran with water, Suga allowed the grim feeling to sink in.

 

Had it been an accident?

 

No, the position was far too accurate and it didn’t look like it had been slit only once.

 

Cold sweat formed on the sides of his forehead and he hastily wiped them away with his trembling wrist.

 

He’d learn so much about Oikawa in the past few weeks but none of them he actually heard from the boy himself. They were always what he heard from others or him accidentally finding out.

 

The accident, the pictures, the scars, all ran through his mind.

 

Just how many more demons was Oikawa hiding?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...I did say Oikawa was going to treat Suga better, but I didn't say things were going to get fluffier. Do brace yourselves. Also you can tell me how much you hate me for making Oikawa suffer so much in the comments, I'd gladly accept my sins~


	6. The Way You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a more light hearted chapter that I hope you'll find cute :)

A faint ray of sunlight shone through the window, landing right on Suga’s face. His eyes squinted in disturbance and his eyelids slowly parted.

 

 

He had spent the whole of last night watching over Oikawa after Tsukishima left. He must’ve grown tired at one point and dozed off.

 

 

He contemplated whether to draw the curtains, afraid that the brightness might disturb Oikawa’s rest, but ultimately decided against it as he figured the boy looked like he could use some sunlight.

 

 

Suga stared into space, resting his cheek on one hand against the white sheets. He was still a little dazed from just waking up.

 

 

His eyes wandered to Oikawa’s sleeping form and watched the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. And though he resisted, his gaze lingered to where his hand lay and Suga swallowed a lump in throat.

 

 

A part of him wished he could erase what he’d seen last night, because right now, Suga couldn’t help but feel terribly sorry for him. It made it harder to look at Oikawa too without thinking of what he possibly did to himself.

 

 

Suga rested a hand on the boy's forehead. His temperature was back to normal now. Suga gently lifted the blanket over him again.

 

 

Oikawa was a quiet sleeper he noticed. He didn’t snore or make a single sound at all. He figured the silence in the room now was a stark contrast to how his and Daichi’s room sounded in the morning.

 

 

Then it clicked in his mind. He hadn’t told Daichi he was staying the night!

 

 

He patted around for his phone and then found it lying a little further up the bed and reached for it, dreading the amount of missed calls and messages Daichi must’ve left.

 

 

And sure enough, he flipped open his phone and was greeted with eleven missed calls and a shit load of messages.

 

 

Daichi: Yo. When are you coming back?

Daichi: Suga-san answer me -.-

Daichi: Hello?

Daichi: Please don’t tell me you got lost

Daichi: Did something happen? Why aren’t you back yet?

Daichi: Pick up your damn phone!

Daichi: For fuck’s sake it’s 11.30pm and I haven’t even heard a single thing from you yet

Daichi: I ain’t sleeping till you get back

Daichi: Screw it I’m coming to find you

 

Suga gulped and quickly went over to the corner of the room to make a call back.

 

 

The call went through and Suga was greeted with a weary groan.

 

 

“…hello?”

 

 

“It’s me Daichi-san _ **,**_ ” Suga whispered. “I’m  _so_ , so sorry that I didn’t tell you I was gonna stay over at the Oikawa’s.”

 

 

“You heartless idiot,” Daichi grumbled, he had no energy left to shout. “A message would’ve made me eternally grateful you know…you had me up the whole night running around Tokyo worried sick.”

 

 

“I’m really sorry. It’s just Oikawa-san suddenly ran a high fever last night and I couldn’t just leave him.”

 

 

“Is he okay now?”

 

 

“Yeah thank god.”

 

 

He heard a yawn from the other end and felt immensely guilty.

 

 

“That’s good to hear…”

 

 

“You should go to sleep Daichi. Sorry to keep you up the whole night…I’ll be back at the usual time later.”

 

 

“You better.”

 

 

Suga chuckled. “I will mochi-san. I’ll cook tonight to make it up to you!”

 

 

“Fair enough…I’ll see you later.”

 

 

“See ya!’

 

 

The call ended and Suga turned to see Oikawa already awake, staring at him quietly.

 

 

Suga broke into a smile and went over to sit by his side.

 

 

“How you feeling?”

 

 

“I’m alright…who were you talking to on the phone?”

 

 

“Oh it was my roommate Daichi. He was worried sick over me not coming home last night.”

 

 

“I’m sorry for keeping you here, you must be exhausted. You can go off now if you’d like.”

 

 

“Nah,” Suga grinned. “I fell asleep at one point. I’m not as diligent as you think.”

 

 

A crooked smile formed on Oikawa’s lips to which made Suga’s face brighten. He hadn't had a chance to talk to him like this in a while.

 

 

“I don’t know if Tsukishima will be here anytime soon, so I guess I’ll do the basic morning stuff for you.”

 

 

“Do you even have the strength to get me out of this bed?”

 

 

“Don’t underestimate me Oikawa-san. I know I look weak but believe it or not, I used to carry sacks of potatoes all at once back at my old job.”

 

 

“Are you comparing me to potatoes now?” Oikawa frowned, though quite amused.

 

 

“So what if I am? Potatoes are delicious!” Suga answered cheerily. “Alright let’s get to work. You look like you might need a light shave.”

 

 

It took quite a bit of effort to get Oikawa in his wheelchair that was specially designed for use in the bathroom. It wasn’t so much the strength part but rather, how to get Oikawa safely in his seat without too much excessive contact. Suga figured the boy wouldn’t like that.

 

 

He wheeled him to the bathroom down the corridor and positioned him near the sink. Opening the drawer beneath it, he took out the facial wash and turned to Oikawa with a playful grin.

 

 

“You trust me?”

 

 

“I’ll never forgive you if you get soap in my eyes.”

 

 

“ _Oooh_ terrifying,” Suga teased.

 

 

He drenched a towel and leaned forward to wipe his face. He then squeezed a dollop of face wash and applied it to every nook and cranny of Oikawa’s face.

 

 

His skin felt smooth under his touch, save the slight stubble around his upper lip, and Suga silently marveled at how flawless it was. He envied him a little too.

 

 

After he wiped off all the product from his face, Suga grabbed the shaving cream and rubbed it all over the area around his mouth before aiming the razor at the stubble that had grown around his philtrum.

 

 

He gently scraped it off, thoroughly absorbed in his job. Oikawa gazed at him the whole way through, taking in Suga’s features in its natural state and the little quirks it made as he went about shaving his face.

 

 

Suga’s tongue stuck out during a particularly tedious part and he tried his best to go as softly as he could lest he hurt Oikawa. And it wasn’t only till he finally registered Oikawa’s breath against his lips, did Suga realise how intimately close their faces were.

 

 

His eyes searched for Oikawa’s, wondering how the boy was reacting to this and found that they were staring right into his. Their eyes stayed locked against each other’s for an unspoken period of time until Suga let out a laugh.

 

 

“I envy you Oikawa-san.”

 

 

“Me?” He blinked, lifting an eyebrow. “Why?”

 

 

“At this rate, you can probably grow a beard while I can’t even grow a stubble.”

 

 

“What are you? Twelve?”

 

 

“Yeah, yeah make fun of my weaknesses. Ha ha very funny.”

 

 

“Well growing a beard isn’t exactly a strength either, unless you have one of those that can be braided. Now  _that_ takes skill.”

 

 

“I can’t even manage the hair on my head and you want me to braid my face?”

 

 

“Braiding is pretty easy actually. My older sister did it on me once when I was young,” Oikawa sniggered. “You just take two bunches and go over and under and over and under. I quite enjoyed it actually.”

 

 

“Would you like me to try braiding your hair then?” Suga offered, teeth showing as he waited for his answer.

 

 

Oikawa watched the excitement that had taken over his face and let out a small smile.

 

 

“I’ll see what you can do then,” he consented.

 

 

Suga lit up and hastily wiped the shaving cream off his face before beginning his search for a rubber band. He found a few lying around in the kitchen and then came back to the bathroom with a triumph smile, rubber bands dangling from his finger.

 

 

“Let’s put my braiding skills to the test shall we?”

 

 

It took approximately ten minutes for Suga to finally get his first braid down. It stuck out Oikawa’s hair in a weird angle and he briefly reminded him of the teletubbies.

 

 

For some reason, Suga found braiding Oikawa’s short locks incredibly entertaining and proceeded to braid his hair some more.

 

 

After he was done, Suga took a step back to have a look at his work. He almost choked.

 

 

“Oh my god Oikawa-san,” he guffawed. “You look-”

 

 

His sentence was cut short by his own laughter and his hands were pressed against his stomach.

 

 

“What is it?” Oikawa begged. “Please tell me you didn’t screw it up.”

 

 

“I didn’t -that’s why it’s hilarious!”

 

 

“God show me.”

 

 

Suga went to fetch a mirror and held it to his face, his other hand wiped at the tears that had formed from all the laughing.

 

 

“Stop shaking I can’t see.”

 

 

“I’ll try to,” he managed to choke out, trying to stifle his laughter.

 

 

His hands gradually stopped trembling and he watched as Oikawa’s expression took on a mixture of disgust and amusement.

 

 

“My god. I look like Snoop Dogg.”

 

 

Suga lost it at his reaction.

 

 

“I  _have_ to take a picture.” His hands reached into his pocket and Oikawa groaned.

 

 

“No Suga-san.”

 

 

“Please?”

 

 

“No.”

 

 

“Pretty please?”

 

 

Suga had his hands clasped together in a plea and was pouting at him. Oikawa let out a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes.

 

 

“Only on two conditions. One, you’re in the picture too. Two, you look more ridiculous than I do.”

 

 

Suga held his hands up in an okay sign. “You have a deal.”

 

 

With that, Oikawa watched as Suga gathered his light grey hair up into a small ponytail and tied it up so that it stuck out his head like a turnip.

 

 

"That's not fair. You're not even trying to look half as ridiculous as you've made me."

 

 

"Who says I was done yet?" Suga smirked at him as he squeezed out some shaving cream.

 

 

And to Oikawa's surprise, he slapped the cream on his mouth and cheeks, unable to keep himself from smiling as he did and then turned to him to show off his new look.

 

 

"How do I look?"

 

 

"Like a prepubescent Santa Clause."

 

 

"Why thank you." Suga curtsied. "I took his beard as inspiration and recreated it with shaving cream."

 

 

Suga chuckled and Oikawa joined in too.

 

 

"All this just for a photo." Oikawa shook his head, exasperated by the rare specimen in front of him.

 

 

"It better be a good one then," Suga smiled, bending down beside Oikawa and pulling him closer. "Now say cheese!"

 

 

Oikawa looked at the boy beside him whose eyes had crinkled up so that it looked like they were smiling too. He never saw anyone this happy around him after the accident and the smile Suga had on now didn't look like it held any secrets or lies. He really was just being himself.

 

 

He hesitated and looked back at the camera. After a long pause, he shut one eye and stuck out his tongue. The camera flashed a few times and afterwhich, Suga couldn't stop going on about the photos.

 

 

And as he scrolled through the rest of the pictures while rambling on excitedly, Oikawa thanked him in his heart for being the way he was.

 

 

 

 

Suga was on the bus back to the dormitory. It had been quite a fun day, with their weird antics in the bathroom and then spending the rest of the morning and afternoon watching anime together.

 

 

He learnt a lot of things about him today like how his favourite food was milk bread and he liked the color yellow, not the bright ones but the faint ones that shown in the sunset.

 

 

It made him happier that Oikawa had told him these himself. He felt like he was finally opening up to him.

 

 

Suga flipped open his phone and went through the pictures again. He couldn't stop looking at these all day even when Oikawa teased him about it.

 

 

The picture gave him a warm fuzzy feeling somehow and he knew it wasn't due to his own presence in the picture but to the boy grinning beside him with one eye closed and his tongue sticking out mischievously.

 

 

Suga recognised the pose as the one Oikawa had on in that old picture with his team. The one where he had looked so happy, so _alive._

 

 

And as he gazed at the picture, he could start to feel some of it coming back to him. Suga smiled and a relieved tear slipped down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be the last of my daily updates cuz school's starting literally the day after tomorrow so I apologize :[ I'll probably be updating twice a week from now on so plese bear with me. Well, I hope this chapter didn't seem to boring, I just wanted to take a little break from all the suffering haha xD Do tell me what you think of it~


	7. Truth

 

They now sat on the soft grass of the Japanese garden right by the porch, enjoying a rather different lunch. It took quite a lot of pouting and pleading on Suga's side to finally convince the boy to come outside for once. He took out the bento he packed and sniggered excitedly.

 

"Guess what I made for you?" He grinned, holding it out to Oikawa's bored face.

 

"Please don't tell me it involves carrots," the latter groaned.

 

"No it doesn't. But you should really stop having the taste buds of a five year old for once."

 

"Says the one who likes broccoli but hates cauliflower."

 

"I just don't trust anything that's white all over."

 

"Oh for god's sake they taste the same."

 

"Tsk just guess already!"

 

Oikawa sighed and took a furtive glance at the box. "It's a dango."

 

"How did you know?!"

 

"The bottom's see through."

 

Suga flipped over to the bottom and found that it was completely transparent. He blushed in embarrassment.

 

"Well how do you like it?" He beamed, taking off the lid to fully reveal his creation.

 

"Why are all of them green?"

 

"Let's just say me and green dangos go a long way back," Suga winked and held one to Oikawa's mouth.

 

He opened his mouth reluctantly and Suga fed him one, his eyes brightening as he anticipated his reaction.

 

"How is it?"

 

"It's not bad I guess. Where'd you buy this from?"

 

"I made it with Daichi," Suga beamed.

 

"Daichi?" Oikawa's face took a sudden interest. "Is he your boyfriend?"

 

Suga's eyes widened for a split second and he hastily denied it.

 

"No we're just best friends."

 

The other boy gave him a dubious look, as if he didn't believe him, but then waved it off when he saw how flustered Suga was getting.

 

The pair ate their lunch under the sunny afternoon sky with Suga sitting on the picnic mat he had layed out and Oikawa on his wheelchair. They shared a quiet moment together, listening to the birds chirping and the steady trickle of the waterfall.

 

Oikawa gazed at the oak tree standing at the corner of the garden, the one that had been there his whole life. It had grown much taller than he remembered and he felt incredibly small just looking at it; something he never felt before, not even when he had to spike against a wall of tall opponents in the past.

 

He swallowed hard and tore away his gaze back to the boy who was currently on his back, staring into the lilac sky with a faraway look in his eyes. It was a calming sight.

 

"Suga-san."

 

The grey haired boy jerked up in response to his name and shifted his gaze.

 

"Yes?"

 

"Is there anything you'd like to do in this short period we call life?"

 

"You ask the same questions as your mother," Suga pointed out. "But well...I just want to lead a simple, happy life that's all."

 

"As expected from Mr Boring."

 

"Well I'm sorry that my life's just about as interesting as a rock."

 

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "At least you're aware of that. But don't you think you should try to dream bigger for once?

 

"Dreaming big isn't exactly an easy thing to do when you come from the countryside Oikawa-san."

 

"Who cares? Steve Jobs was homeless and look where he got."

 

"Steve Jobs was Steve Jobs. I'm Koushi Sugawara. Our names alone show how different we are."

 

"You're in a way better position now than he was at the start."

 

"Let's not start this conversation alright...you're turning into my parents," Suga grumbled.

 

"That just means I'm right." Oikawa paused and exhaled heavily. "You don't get it Suga-san, you have so much-"

 

"Don't say potential."

 

"Potential," he confirmed.

 

"Damn it."

 

"It must be true if everyone's telling you the same thing."

 

Suga kept his silence, only hugging his knees to himself as he brooded over his words.

 

"You're 19 years old Suga-san. You've already taken the first big step to come to Tokyo, you should be out there claiming the world as your own, do the things you've always wanted to and basically _live_. You need to live more."

 

"You really like to tell people what to do don't you?"

 

"Only when I know I'm right."

 

"Well I like how my life is right now."

 

"You shouldn't."

 

"You don't even know what's my life like."

 

"I can infer. Judging by how much you said you needed the money, you probably came to Tokyo just to earn some cash to support your family back home who are probably struggling as you're here right now. That's why you'd take up a shitty job like this."

 

"I don't think this job's bad at all," Suga defended. "Sure, you were quite an ass to me at first but we get along just fine now."

 

"You don't understand," Oikawa said, voice laced with exhaustion, as if he'd repeated his words so many times before.

 

"You have no idea how frustrating it is for me to see you -someone completely well and capable- just accepting things for how it is. I'm not someone who just _accepts_ Suga-san. I'd fight back if I could but the reality is that I can't. Not anymore."

 

His expression darkened with an unsettling resignation.

 

"Not in this wheelchair."

 

Suga stared at the boy who had his teeth clenched, his eyes rid of the carefree exterior he had on earlier.

 

He dropped his gaze to his feet as he racked his brains for an answer that would lighten up the solemn mood.

 

"Well I've always wanted to go to university."

 

Oikawa slowly slipped away from the darkness of his thoughts. These days, it was harder to get lost in his own mind. Not with Suga always by his side, making him feel things apart from giving up.

 

He cracked a small, triumph smile.

 

"You're finally being honest with yourself."

 

"So what if I am..." Suga sighed. "It's what I want but that doesn't mean it's what I'll get."

 

"It all comes down to the money doesn't it?"

 

"Doesn't everything comes down to money these days?" He lamented.

 

"I'm giving you a raise then."

 

"You're joking."

 

"I'm not."

 

"But I didn't even do anything that's deserving of a raise."

 

"Your honesty right there just earned you one," Oikawa chuckled, but then his eyes cleared to take on a degree of seriousness. "The money's a chance. A chance to live your life."

 

Suga gazed at the boy sat in the wheelchair, whose features looked absolutely stunning under the sun's rays.

 

Oikawa briefly reminded him of an angel that had his wings cruelly taken away to keep him from flying.

 

And it was moments like these where Suga always wondered who Oikawa would have been if none of this had ever happened.

 

Would he be soaring?

 

"Are you gonna take this chance or not?"

 

Oikawa took in the hunger in Suga's eyes. The hunger for more in life. And a small part of him wished he could be capable of that look again.

 

"Why are you doing this for me?" Suga asked, baffled by Oikawa's kindness.

 

"Let's just say you're the only thing that makes me wanna get up in the morning."

 

His words had left him unconsciously and Oikawa found himself blushing alongside Suga when he realised the enormity of it.

 

"Wait I didn't mean it that way. It's... It's just you never know when to shut up and it'd be horrifying to lay in bed all day with you chattering beside my ear s-so...yeah. Horrible."

 

Suga broke into uncontrollable laughter after seeing how flustered he looked the more he went on. And if there was one thing Oikawa hated about Suga, it was how infectious his laugh was and soon, he started laughing too.

 

The pair's laughter echoed throughout the garden, bringing back the atmosphere it once always had.

 

And as Oikawa felt tears forming, he could see through his crinkled up eyes just how much colour his world had began to take on.

 

 

 

Suga was busy preparing dinner when he first heard the argument.

 

He paused his chopping for a while to find out just where the voices were coming from. Minutes passed and the more he listened, the more aggressive it sounded till he couldn't take it anymore.

 

He placed the knife down and took off his apron before heading down the corridor where the argument seemed to draw closer with each step he took.

 

Suga stopped outside the slightly ajar door to the study room, the voices completely audible now.

 

"What in the world were you even thinking mum? How could you agree to that? How the fuck could you?!"

 

A young lady, who resembled Oikawa in every aspect down to gender, was running her hands through her curled hair desperately; like she was on the brink of breaking down.

 

"Tori please. Let's not talk about this now."

 

"Then when's the time? When he's lying in a fucking casket? I can't just sit by and watch him do this to himself and you doing nothing to stop him!" she almost screamed, livid tears smudging her mascara.

 

"You think I'm not trying? I asked for six _months_ Tori! You have no idea how much I begged, pleaded and cried before he would even agree to that. I'm already at my wit's end. I can't change his mind."

 

"Then stop him. Don't let him go to Switzerland. Just please, god please don't let him."

 

"I've tried everything...he's not going to give in. You know how he is when he's bent on doing something."

 

"But you're his mother! You can stop him," Tori pleaded breathlessly, hazel eyes glistening with tears. "I can't watch the only brother I have kill himself...I can't lose him..."

 

Mrs Oikawa brought her hands to her mouth at the sight of her daughter on the floor, her choked up sobs filling the room.

 

"How could Tooru even...it's Dignitas for God's sake! He's so fucking selfish to even ask!" She trashed and sobbed over the injustice that her brother was putting their whole family through. The pain of possibly losing her little brother was eating her alive. She couldn't let him go to Switzerland. She couldn't.

 

"This isn't the life he wants Tori...he'll never accept this."

 

"Well _I_ can't accept this! I'll never forgive him for doing this to himself. For putting himself first. For not giving any fucks to who he'll leave behind. This...this is the cruelest thing anyone can do. He's a fucking monster!"

 

"He promised me six months. As long as he's still alive, as long as there's still time...there's still hope."

 

"It's just so wrong." She began to sob again. "Why? Why does he have to put us through this? Why does he have to put _himself_ through this? Hasn't he ever thought for once that people might actually care if he dies?"

 

Mrs Oikawa got on her knees and held her daughter in her arms, stroking her hair to calm her down.

 

"I know what your brother is doing is selfish but this is the only selfish thing he's ever done," she said softly. "So I...I don't know if we'll be the cruel ones for not ending his suffering."

 

Tori buried her face in her mother's shoulder, her crying soon reduced to sniffles but her heart, nevertheless, remained heavy.

 

"I love him. We all do," she choked out. "And I'd rather be cruel than let him be cruel to himself."

 

Suga stood frozen by the door. He was still breathing but it felt like he wasn't. He clamped a hand to his mouth, afraid that he'll let out a scream any moment.

 

Dignitias. That was the place people went when they wanted to die. It was suicide but done for you by someone else.

 

He felt his legs going weak and he held onto the wall for support. Why did none of them ever tell him? He didn't sign up for this. He wouldn't have if he had known. He was basically on suicide watch.

 

Willing his legs to move, Suga ran away while trying to keep his footsteps as soft as possible. The terror in him pounded against his chest. And he had to bite his lip to keep him from screaming and trashing like how Oikawa's sister did.

 

He understood how she felt. He understood her completely.

 

He collapsed into the kitchen, the cold marble floor below his knees, and he wondered what he was going to do now.

 

Suga knew he couldn't work here anymore. He couldn't bear to watch this unfold any further. What was the point of taking care of Oikawa when all he was going to do was kill himself?

 

He had to leave. For his own sake, he knew he had to.

 

With a numbness within, Suga went back to preparing dinner except that this was going to be the last time he was doing it for Oikawa. He didn't want anymore to do with his life.

 

When the food was done and sat steaming on the tray, Suga went off to get a pen and paper and quickly penned down a letter.

 

He then held the tray and went to deliver it to Oikawa. Hesitating before his door, Suga felt like how he did the first time he stood outside here. He breathed out and forced on his most Suga-like smile.

 

He entered the room and was greeted with a playful remark from Oikawa.

 

"Were you cooking up a feast?"

 

Suga gave him a weak smile and went to settle the food on the coffee table beside the boy. It was ironic how Oikawa was the warm one now, when Suga felt nothing but the unbearable cold.

 

He held the spoon to his mouth and Oikawa accepted it without objections. Suga avoided his eyes the whole time and he could sense that Oikawa must've noticed this.

 

"Did something happen?"

 

Suga met his gaze for a fraction of a second and found that it was filled with genuine concern.

 

His blood began to boil. How much longer was Oikawa going to act? Was he going to pretend like nothing was going to happen? That Dignitas was completely foreign to him? Did he plan for Suga to just come by for work one day and hear that he had passed on the night before and expect him to move on like it was nothing?

 

Suga's grip tightened around the spoon till it trembled. He wanted to cry. He felt like he was going to breakdown and Oikawa's concern wasn't helping.

 

"It's nothing."

 

"You sure? You don't look..." Oikawa slowly paused, noticing how troubled he looked. He kept his mouth shut and figured that him asking would only make Suga feel worse.

 

"If there's anything you need help with, you can always tell me Suga-san."

 

The grey haired boy only nodded and  continued to feed Oikawa his dinner, devoid of his usual chattering.

 

Suga couldn't help but feel utterly betrayed. Oikawa offering him help was like a slap to his face, leaving him clueless and angry with so many questions he knew he wasn't in the place to ask.

 

When he was done with his meal, Suga quickly got up to leave but Oikawa stopped him just as he reached for the doorknob.

 

"Aren't you going to tuck me in?"

 

Suga curled his fists by his sides and forced himself to return to him. He wheeled Oikawa to his bed and carefully picked the boy up from his seat.

 

As Oikawa leaned against him, being held upright in his arms, Suga felt the familiar warmth of his skin and his minty breath blowing against his shoulder and then it hit him.

 

This feeling of Oikawa under his touch was going to be gone in six months. He was going to be gone in six months. And Suga was never going to be able to get him back.

 

His arms tightened around him and he rested his chin at the nape of Oikawa's neck. It almost felt like a normal hug, as if Oikawa was keeping him from falling apart even though he was the one breaking him.

 

Suga slowly loosened his grip, unwilling to let him go because there was no way he was going to come back again. And he was sure that Oikawa wouldn't come to find him either.

 

When he was settled in his queen sized bed, Suga lifted up the sheets slightly below his chest and turned on the fan just like how Tsukishima had instructed him to do since his fever.

 

"You're going to go now?" Oikawa asked softly, looking at him with a reluctance in his eyes.

 

"It's late. I should be heading home."

 

"Could you do me a favour before you go? Just one?"

 

Suga hesitated before nodding in agreement.

 

"Tell me something good."

 

He felt a part of him die inside in that moment. Suga stared at him wordlessly, blinking back his tears.

 

And he could tell from the longing in his eyes that Oikawa must've figured out that something was up. And from the way his lips trembled unconsciously, as if begging Suga not to leave him, Oikawa must've known that that was the last time he was going to see him.

 

But unlike the other time, Suga couldn't think of anything remotely good. He could only look Oikawa in the eye and apologize.

 

"I'm sorry I can't."

 

Before his tears could fall, he quickly scooped up his bag and hurried out of the door. He ran down the hallway, only stopping once to leave his resignation letter outside the study.

 

He didn't stop after that. He sprinted down the road, the luxurious houses rolling by in a blur. Tears and snot mixed to create a mess on his face as he cried without restraint. He never ran this fast before.

 

A part of him thought that if he ran fast enough, that he would be able to defy space and time. That the last month would just grow smaller and smaller behind his back till it completely disappeared from his mind and sight.

 

He cried for being so naive. He cried for how betrayed he felt. He cried for how useless he was. There was really nothing he could do but cry. But yet, he knew these tears couldn't save Oikawa. Nothing could.

 

All he wanted to do was to get as far away from this place as he possibly could, to put the past month behind him.

 

He didn't care what happened.

 

He didn't care how selfish he was for choosing to turn his back on him.

 

He just wanted to forget Oikawa.

 

_He really needed to forget him._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah I'm sorry I know this chapter is lacking >


	8. Countdown

That night marked the second time Daichi witnessed Suga coming back like this -visibly drained and exhausted, except this time he was drenched in sweat and could hardly stand.

 

Suga stumbled into the room, his legs too tired to manage another step and the door closed behind him softly. His matted hair stuck to his forehead, obscuring his hazel eyes but it didn't manage to hide the tears that were streaming from it.

 

"Hey you okay?" Daichi asked, looking up from his notes.

 

He didn't answer, only standing there quietly as his tears stained the carpet. Knowing something was definitely wrong; Daichi quickly got a towel and placed it over Suga's head, wiping away the beads of sweat.

 

The grey haired boy couldn't bring himself to resist either even though he usually hated it when Daichi babied him. He stayed still as he dried him up wordlessly, not asking anymore questions. When he felt the latter's fingers on his hair, brushing it aside, it was only then did he see how much of a mess he looked through the reflection in Daichi's eyes.

 

He promptly avoided his gaze, ashamed of his pathetic image, which made Daichi break into a sad smile.

 

"It's okay to cry you know," he said, resting a hand on Suga's head. "I promise I won't ask."

 

Suga stared at him again, whilst trying so hard to hold back his tears. But after a few moments of hesitation, he buried himself into Daichi's chest and his sobs started coming back. The latter didn't say anything and Suga felt his arms wrap around him in a soft embrace.

 

Even as his tears seeped through the fabric of Daichi's sweater, the latter made no move to pull away. And as Suga whimpered and shook in his arms, Daichi's heart ached for him.

 

“I want to go home.”

 

Suga pulled away and once their eyes met, Daichi knew immediately that there was nothing he could do to change his mind.

 

The way his brown irises seemed to waver in the tears that were still brimming and how his lips shook with certainty made Daichi feel immensely guilty.

 

If he hadn’t brought Suga to Tokyo in the first place, he wouldn’t have been this miserable would he?  Perhaps, he would’ve even been happier if he had never left that small hometown of theirs. Now that Daichi thought about it, he’d almost forgotten how Suga’s laugh sounded like.

 

And the thought saddened him more than it did to let him go.

 

"Of course," he grinned, ruffling Suga's locks. "I'll book the bus tickets tomorrow."

 

A faint smile crept up on Suga's face and he murmured a quiet thank you, grateful that he had made no attempt to persuade or question his sudden request.

 

Under Daichi's command, Suga then proceeded to take a long, hot shower. After which he laid down on his bed and stared dazedly at the ceiling he'd grown accustomed to in the past two months as he tried to fall asleep.

 

He was going home soon much to his relief. Tokyo had been great but it just wasn't the place for someone like him. A simple life in the countryside suited him more.

 

_"But don't you think you should try to dream bigger for once?"_

 

Suga gritted his teeth, his fingers digging into the sheets.

 

_"You should be out there claiming the world as your own."_

 

His eyes constricted as he felt his frustration reappearing in the form of tears. He clamped a hand to his mouth, not wanting to wake the now asleep Daichi on the other bed.

_"You need to live more."_

 

The mellow voice that spoke the words he didn't want to remember played back in his head like a broken recorder, not going away no matter how hard Suga tried to make it stop.

 

Screaming internally, he grabbed a pillow and pressed it hard over his head, desperately trying to block out all the sounds that weren't really there in the first place.

 

He didn't manage to fall asleep as a result, tossing and turning as he forced his eyes shut.  The fabric of his pillow sunk harder into his cheek as the night slipped away. It was 1 am when Suga finally thought it out.

 

He was leaving this place tomorrow. After that, he could just forget everything. He didn't have to remember the betrayal, nor the guilt for turning his back on Oikawa.

 

That’s right. He didn’t have to feel anything if he chose not to. Why did he always have to make life more difficult for himself?

 

Suga chided himself, internally cursing his lack of common sense to no end.

 

He really was dumb he lamented as his grip on the pillow softened and he turned over to lie on his back. His eyes were still glazed with tears but it didn't seem as tortured as before.

 

The only one inflicting pain here was himself. It's high time he should stop.

 

The grey haired boy stifled a yawn, feeling felt the fatigue he’d suppressed for so long coming back. His eyelids grew heavy and in that thin line between sleep and consciousness, Suga couldn’t help but shed one last tear for Oikawa.

 

 

 

 

The following afternoon after Suga had finished packing all his bags, Daichi brought the latter to one of his favourite ramen places along with the two friends he’d never gotten the chance to introduce to him till his very last day there.

 

When they entered the restaurant, the first thing that greeted them wasn’t the usual fragrance of ramen broth, instead, a rather petite male had waved at them wildly, beckoning them to their table, much to the embarrassment of the older man beside him who looked like he was trying to cover up his face with his scarf.

 

“Are those interesting people your friends?” Suga laughed.

 

“Unfortunately,” Daichi grimaced as they made their way towards the table.

 

Nishinoya couldn’t stop smiling at Suga even as he took his seat, seemingly interested with every move he made, and Daichi secretly wanted to strangle him for being this enthusiastic.

 

“Yo! I’m Nishinoya Yuu and you must be Daichi’s long lost boyfriend –Sugawara-san!” he beamed, ignoring the kick Daichi sent below the table.

 

“Yes to the last part and no to the first,” Suga chuckled. “Daichi here is a bachelor through and through.”

 

“Eh? But you look so… _refreshing_. Isn’t that his type?”

 

“Refreshing?” Suga raised an eyebrow.

 

“Don’t talk like I’m not here,” Daichi deadpanned, eyeing Nishinoya from behind the menu.

 

“Yeah like you have that whole baby face going on. No wonder Asahi told me Daichi totally has the hots for-”

 

Asahi clamped a menu in his boyfriend’s face to shut him up, smiling sheepishly at Daichi who looked like he was trying hard not to start yelling at Nishinoya like how he did ninety nine percent of the time.

 

Suga, completely oblivious to the war that had just broken out in front of him, erupted into laughter and slapped Daichi on the back good naturedly.

 

“Well if we’re both still single by forty, let’s just marry each other.”

 

“I refuse.”

 

“You’re so cruel,” Suga whined, feigning a hurt expression.

 

“ _Just confess your love already_!” Nishinoya whispered. Asahi sighed heavily and gave up, reverting the menu back to his own sight.

 

“You think you’re watching a drama or something?”

 

“No but even the main leads realise their feelings for each other faster than you two do.”

 

Daichi rolled his eyes. “How do you even put up with him Asahi?”

 

“I don’t,” he shrugged. “He’s only like this with you.”

 

“Good to know.”

 

“You were Daichi’s roommate right?” Suga cut in, causing Asahi to look up from his menu.

 

“Ah yes. Why?”

 

“I’d just like to say you’re amazing. I’ve never seen a room that Daichi lives in so clean before.”

 

“Oh that. Well I did nag at him a lot and I think he would have rather eat chips outside than put up with my nagging.”

 

“Well if it isn’t too much to ask, I hope you’ll continue nagging at him once I’m gone. Seriously this guy could turn any room into a garbage dump.”

 

“I’ll record my voice and set it as his alarm.”

 

“God spare me,” Daichi cringed.

 

“Not when Mr Refreshing asked me himself.”

 

“Oi enough of this chit chat I’m starving!”

 

“Never thought I’d agree with you Noya.”

 

They spent the rest of their lunch in relative humour which was mostly centred around annoying Daichi and poking fun at his non-existent cleanliness and bachelor status.

 

Suga had laughed so much that even his jaw had begun to ache and he wiped away the tears that were forming from it too.

 

He slipped his hand into his pocket and took out his phone to check the time but his smile disappeared when he saw what flashed across his screen.

 

Mrs Oikawa had left a lot of missed calls and messages questioning him about his letter. Suga should’ve known better than to think that she would’ve let him quit like that with no explanation given at all.

 

He sighed and excused himself to the bathroom, making a detour to the back of the restaurant.

 

His fingers tapped the call button by her number and then brought his phone to his ears.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey Mrs Oikawa. It’s me Sugawara.”

 

“O-Oh! I’ve tried to call you so many times but you wouldn’t answer. Anyways…may I know what’s wrong? Why are you resigning?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s just…something cropped up at home and I can’t stay here in Tokyo anymore. I’m sorry.”

 

“You do remember what I said the first day you arrived right? I can’t have you quitting so abruptly, who will take care of Tooru when I’m not around then?”

 

“I know I’m being very irresponsible but I just can’t work for you anymore.”

 

“It’s the money isn’t it? How much do you want? Perhaps I’ll add another zero at the end.”

 

“It’s not about the money.”

 

“Then how about a car? Perhaps some real estate?”

 

Suga’s grip on the phone tightened, insulted that she thought money was all that mattered to him.

 

“I don’t need any of those Mrs Oikawa. I just want to go home.”

 

“Is it...something to do with Tooru?”

 

Suga froze. He chewed on his lip as he contemplated whether or not to tell her the truth. Was it even in his place to say anything?

 

“I heard it. What you and your daughter were arguing about last night and I don't want to be a part of it. I really don't."

 

"Ah."

 

A long pause ensued and Suga would've thought she had hung up on him if not for her shallow breaths. She exhaled heavily and Suga almost felt sorry for her.

 

"Please don't leave. Tooru he...he's comfortable with you and that's not how he is with everyone as you can tell. It'll be very hard to replicate what you two had with someone else."

 

"But you're gonna take him to...to that place...the one where you kill yourself. Dignitas."

 

"I'm doing everything I can to make sure he doesn't go there."

 

"Like what? Babying him?"

 

"You should know by now that if he cuts himself off from everyone else, there's little we can do to change his mind."

 

"Ah I get it now," Suga replied snidely. "I'm just there to make sure he doesn't cheat before his six months are up. That's what I was meant to do all along ain’t it?

 

"That's not it."

 

"No wonder you didn't seem to care about my qualifications."

 

"No, I thought you were a bright and cheerful person. You didn't look nor act like all his previous caretakers did. I just...thought you could cheer Tooru up -and you _do_. You _really_ do. Yesterday was the first time I've seen him gone outside in such a long time and you’ve always been so capable of putting a smile on his face. He doesn't let many people in like he does for you."

 

"Alright. But I honestly think it would've been fair if you had mentioned I was basically on suicide watch from the start."

 

“That might’ve been the case when you first came in but I’m confident now that Tooru won’t go back on his word. He promised me six months and that’s what I’ll get. We need this time Sugawara-san. We need to show him just how much possibilities there are in life aside from the one he had planned to have. Tooru he…needs hope. And you seem to be giving him that.”

 

“But it’s all lies. You’re lying to me. You’re all lying to each other. I can’t go on with this anymore Mrs Oikawa. I can’t just sit here and watch over someone who’s planning to do all this to himself.”

 

Mrs Oikawa went silent again. Suga suddenly remembered just how sad she looked when she told him about Oikawa for the first time. He knew she must’ve looked exactly the same right now.

 

“Please…” She rasped, voice turning brittle. “He’s my only son. I can’t lose him -not like that, not this way. I’m willing to cling onto any last bit of hope left that something or someone can change his mind. I’m begging you Sugawara-san. Please save my son. I can’t…I really _can’t_ do this on my own.”

 

A lump formed in Suga’s throat, combined with the utter guilt Mrs Oikawa had just confronted him with, he found himself not able to give an answer.

 

“I-It’s fine if you can’t answer me now. All I ask is you take a few days to think this through. I’ll tell Tooru that you’re heading back home for the weekend. Please, please just rethink your decision.”

 

The line then ended, leaving Suga to lean on the surface of the wall with his phone still attached to his ear. His hand dropped to his side and he ran the other through his hair furiously as he tried to sort out his inner conflict.

 

He really couldn’t see himself taking part in any of this, neither did he want to. Just the thought of shouldering all the blame if he didn’t manage to change Oikawa’s mind after six months terrified him to no end. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself either.

 

His fingers dug into his scalp, the pain felt like nothing compared to the agony his mind was giving him.

 

But how could he say no when Mrs Oikawa had already begged him like this?

 

Although he hadn’t sounded like it, he did pity how cruel of a situation she was put in. Having to see her only son asking for death and just waiting for his time to come –Suga couldn’t imagine just how miserable it must’ve been to be in her shoes.

 

Was he really going to change his mind for Oikawa? To go through all this while knowing that he may very well be gone in just a few months’ time.

 

Suga started making his way back to the table, trying his best to keep his thoughts at bay.

 

When he settled himself back down, the others had already started eating and Daichi eyed him curiously.

 

“You okay? You took quite a long time there.”

 

“I’m good.”

 

He faked a smile, waving off his concern.

 

“Alright. Your ramen’s here. You should eat while it’s still hot.”

 

Suga nodded wordlessly and picked up his chopsticks. Daichi watched from the corner of his eye as he poked at the noodles floating in the broth, staring at the table absently.

 

The raven haired boy pursed his lips as he lowered his gaze; wondering how long his best friend was going to continue keeping things to himself.

 

 

 

 

They now stood at the bus depot as the time for Suga’s departure drew nearer. The boy had been in  a daze throughout their whole journey there and Daichi had to snap at him a couple of times to get him to focus on where he was going.

 

“You have everything with you right?”

 

“Yep.” Suga nodded then glanced at the amount of baggage he had brought. “I kinda regret bringing this much stuff in the first place.”

 

“Well, all of us thought you’d be staying longer.”

 

“Sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you Daichi…”

 

“Nonsense. You’re my best friend.”

 

“I’m glad you haven’t forgotten me even after you came to Tokyo,” Suga smiled, eyes disappearing into half-moons.

 

“You’re not all that easy to forget you know…” Daichi murmured, his ears turning a little red. “Besides, you’ll always be the person I can click with the most.”

 

Suga placed his bags down and went up to give Daichi a tight hug, causing the latter to drop some of his bags as well. Taken aback, Daichi went rigid for a while before slowly wrapping his arms around Suga’s back.

 

“Take care of yourself okay? Don’t turn your dorm into a wasteland!”

 

“Don’t worry. I have a feeling Asahi wasn’t joking when he said he’d record himself.”

 

The shorter boy laughed and shook his head as he pulled away. A screech came from behind them and Daichi gestured towards it.

 

“Your bus is here.”

 

“Huh really? Where?”

 

Daichi manually rotated Suga to the direction of the bus and then pointed out, “there. Idiot.”

 

“Oh shit I gotta go,” Suga spluttered, reaching for his numerous bags. "Bye!"

 

He rushed off whilst scrambling to balance the weight of his baggage in both hands and somehow managed to board the bus without dropping anything.

 

Daichi came by the window beside Suga’s seat and waved goodbye.

 

“Text me when you’re home alright!”

 

“I will!”

 

“Have a safe trip!”

 

“Thanks! Come back soon alright?”

 

“Of course!”

 

As the engine revved to life, the bus began to pick up on its speed and drove off. Suga waved one last time at Daichi’s shrinking figure before sinking back into his seat.

 

He gazed out of the window and watched as the streets of Tokyo went by in a blur, occasionally doing a double take on places he’d recognise. It was only then he felt a weird sense of attachment that he couldn’t shake off. It wasn’t a foreign feeling however, he’d somehow remember feeling this way before.

 

Mrs Oikawa’s words from earlier on repeated in his head like an incantation and Suga couldn’t help but feel like he was doing something inexplicably wrong, something he himself didn’t allow of.

 

Was him staying even going to help Oikawa? When he had nothing much to offer in the first place? He wasn’t capable of motivational speeches or whatsoever, he never had a way with words –just how was he going to change Oikawa’s mind then when no one else could?

 

The truth was he was afraid.

 

Afraid that if he’d stayed longer, one day that mellow voice would be gone and the frail hands on his lower back would be gone too. He would look up at the window from the backyard while airing the laundry and notice that the boy in the wheelchair wasn’t up there gazing at the sky with that detached, faraway look.

 

No one would tease him about his lack of ambition. No one would urge him to fight for more.

 

No one would paint out so many possibilities like how Oikawa did for him.

 

That’s why he was so afraid. Suga couldn’t bear the thought of spending six months with Oikawa and having him bring so much colour to his life –only for him to end his own.

 

His hand strayed to his phone and he opened his gallery, scrolling through the pictures. He stopped at that picture they’d taken together, the one where Oikawa couldn’t stop teasing him about.

 

Suga’s thumb traced the outlines of Oikawa’s smile.

 

Someone who had been through so much wasn’t supposed to be capable of a smile like this, but yet, Oikawa’s seemed so true, so genuine that he could have fooled anyone. He would’ve had Suga fooled at least.

 

He didn’t want this smile to fade away. Suga wanted to see this smile again.

 

His heart started beating faster and a sudden surge of urgency filled him up when he realised the numbers.

 

Oikawa promised six months. Two months was gone.

 

Suga only had four months now.

 

As if a new person had taken over his body, Suga scrambled up his seat and hurriedly gathered up his things before rushing to the front of the bus.

 

“Pull over! I’m getting off! Please pull over!”

 

The driver gave him a funny look and asked if he was sure to which Suga replied with an impatient yes.

 

The bus pulled over to the side of the road and the rest of the passengers all stared at him weirdly as he alighted from the bus and started running off in the direction they had come from.

 

Suga dashed down the busy streets, apologizing profusely when he bumped into strangers and hurried to find a nearby bus stop back to Daichi’s dormitory where he was going to tell the boy that he was staying.

 

He didn’t have much time left to convince Oikawa that life was worth living; even if that life wasn’t what he pictured it to be.

 

There was no point in running away anymore. Suga had wasted so much precious time doing so.

 

From now on, he was going to live every minute down to each second. And he made sure that Oikawa would learn to do the same.

 

He reached a bus stop and thankfully, a bus headed straight for Daichi’s dormitory just arrived and he hopped on without a second’s hesitation.

 

And though it usually went by quite fast, Suga couldn’t help but grumble at how seemingly long it was taking. Before the bus even came to a halt, Suga was already up and took off the second its door opened.

 

Outside Daichi’s door, Suga knocked on it continuously till a half awake Daichi finally came to answer him.

 

It was only at that moment did Suga feel his legs go weak and collapsed at his feet.

 

“W-Wait what? Suga what in the world are you doing here?”

 

The boy on the floor only gave him a weak smile as he fought to catch his breath.

 

“You forgot something?” Daichi groaned, unamused.

 

“No.” Suga got back up, eyeing him nervously as he ruffled his own hair. “I er…”

 

Daichi saw how antsy the boy was acting and broke into a knowing smile.

 

“You came back for Oikawa didn’t you?”

 

Suga’s gaze widened as surprise flickered across his face.

 

“How’d you know?”

 

“I know everything. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to intrude on you when you were on the phone with Oikawa’s mother earlier, just happened to overhear when I passed by.”

 

“You knew and you never tried to question my actions?”

 

“Well, it wasn’t in my place to find out about this in the first place but…I just knew that you’re capable of making your own decisions Suga. I never want to force you into doing anything against your will.”

 

“Daichi…” Suga gasped, tearing up at his best friend’s words.

 

“Oi why are you always crying in front of me?”

 

“I don’t deserve you.”

 

“Idiot. No one does. I’m too good for everyone,” Daichi proclaimed, poking Suga’s forehead which elicited a laugh from the latter. “But I’m glad you came back. Oikawa could use someone like you.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Everyone needs a Mr Refreshing in their life," Daichi said and went in closer to rub off the tears from his eyes. Suga was suddenly reminded of how Daichi would always wipe his tears away for him when they were kids. Even till now, his fingers still held the same warmth as they did back then. 

 

“You should probably call Mrs Oikawa to tell her you’ve changed your mind.”

 

“Oh yeah I almost forgot haha.”

 

Suga fished for his phone and quickly dialled her number.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Mrs Oikawa it’s me Sugawara. I…I’ve thought it through.”

 

“You have?’ she replied, a hint of anxiety in her tone.

 

“I'd like to continue being Oikawa-san’s caretaker.”

 

“That’s…I don’t know how to express my gratitude. Thank you. Thank you so much…I-I really can’t thank you enough.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me Mrs Oikawa. I apologize for how unreasonable I was.”

 

“Oh no. The blame is on my part for not telling you from the start.”

 

“How’s Oikawa-san doing?”

 

“Ah that.”

 

A long pause stretched on. Suga began to worry about her loss for words.

 

“Mrs Oikawa?”

 

‘Tooru he…he’s been having difficulty breathing. We’ve just rushed him to the hospital.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been like what? Three weeks since I've updated? I'm so very sorry for taking this long to update, the only explanation I have is that my major exams are coming and I can't focus so much on my fics. I can't promise that I'll update soon but I can and do promise that I won't abandon this fic! You have my word. On a side note, wow 65 kudos?! That means a ton to me and I thank you all for supporting me :) Comment your thoughts I'd love to hear them! ^^


	9. Just One Touch

It was pneumonia.

Mrs Oikawa had told him over the phone about how Oikawa had gotten a fever right after he left last night. It was only when he felt a stabbing pain in his chest the next morning did they decide to call an ambulance.

Suga dashed into the Accident and Emergency unit. The seemingly endless layout of the hospital and his complete lack of direction meant that the critical care ward took him forever to find. He had to backtrack three times to the nurse at the information counter before she finally gave up and escorted him to Ward C4 herself.

It took a while but once he reached the ward, he swung open the doors, breathless and gasping, and found Tsukishima on the bench at the corner of the corridor going through some papers. He only noticed Suga when the latter’s footsteps drew closer.

“H-How’s Oikawa-san?” he sputtered, almost yelling.

“They gave him an oxygen mask. He’s stable now,” Tsukishima answered, offering a sympathetic smile at the panting boy.

“But I don’t understand. He was fine on Thursday. Not even a headache or flu. So how did this happen?”

Suga could hardly breathe, considering he’d be running around the whole of Tokyo for the past two hours, he was surprised that he could still stand. He collapsed onto the space beside Tsukishima, attempting to cool down and catch his breath.

“This isn’t the first time Suga-san. In fact, he’s had three bouts of pneumonia ever since his accident. All it takes is just a bit of bacteria in his lungs, along with his cough mechanism not functioning well like it should be and he goes downhill…pretty fast.”

“Isn’t there any way to help him?”

“I tried to do some clearing methods with him this morning but he was in too much pain so I had no choice but to call an ambulance.”

“God.” Suga bent over, face sinking into his palms. He’d only been gone for less than a day and already so much had happened. “Is he okay now? Can I go in?”

“I think he’s still asleep. Mrs Oikawa’s in there too.”

Suga ignored the last bit, wondering if Tsukishima actually thought that that would deter him from going in anyway. He got up, squeezed a dollop of antibacterial lotion before proceeding to rub his hands together, he then pushed open the door to Oikawa’s ward and entered quietly.

Oikawa lay limp in the white hospital bed, tucked snugly under the covers of a blue blanket. His arm was wired up to a drip and surrounded by various intermittently bleeping machines. His hair no longer swept outwards, it only lay matted on his fringe line, partially obscuring his eyes.

Suga allowed himself to take in more of Oikawa’s current state. His skin, under the oxygen mask, was paler than usual –almost blue-ish in a way which made something in him constrict.

Mrs Oikawa was by his side, clasping his needle free hand in her own. She was staring at him with an almost blank expression, as if she'd grown too accustomed to the sight. 

“Mrs Oikawa?”

She glanced up with a start, glassy eyes clearing when she finally registered his presence and Suga was suddenly aware of how desperately tired she looked, as if she'd aged ten years in just two months.

“Sugawara-san,” she smiled, visibly relieved. “Thank you for coming back.”

“There’s really no need to thank me,” he waved off, thinking that her being grateful would only make him feel worse. “How…is he doing?”

“A bit better. The doctors gave him some very strong antibiotics.”

“Is there anything I can help with then?”

“There isn’t really much we can do now actually...only wait. The consultant will be making his rounds in an hour or so. He’ll be able to give us more information then hopefully.”

Suga’s shoulders slumped as he let the helplessness sink in. A part of him was hoping that Oikawa could hear the desperation in his voice right now and his eyes would just open above that clear plastic mask. A part of him wished that he'd just go on teasing him about his lack of ambition like always.

But he only lay there amongst the sheets. Still and silent.

“Would you like me to get you a drink Mrs Oikawa?” he said, trying to distract himself from his increasingly morbid thoughts.

“What time is it?”

“Half-past ten.”

“Really?” Her eyes widened a bit, taken aback by how fast time had slipped by without her even knowing, and she let out a soft sigh. “That would be very kind of you Sugawara-san. Thank you.”

He exited the ward and made a beeline for the vending machine he had passed earlier, dropping in some change and then getting two cups of warm earl grey; one for Mrs Oikawa and one for Tsukishima who he figured had probably been there the whole day too.

Taking careful steps so that he wouldn’t risk any spilling, Suga went back to the ward, stopping outside to hand the blond a cup to which he was met with a grateful nod and then into the room where Mrs Oikawa had shifted to the side to make space for him on the couch.

“Thank you,” she said curtly, taking a sip and taking comfort in the feeling of warmth slowly returning to her fingertips.

They both sat in silence, their gaze fixated on Oikawa’s unconscious form on the hospital bed with the steady bleeps droning in the background.

Suga wondered how many times Mrs Oikawa had been in this same exact situation –sitting in a hospital chair that would never put you at ease, staring at her son hooked up to all these machines that were practically the only thing keeping him alive. No wonder she looked half dead. Who wouldn't be?

The boy who she had brought into this world, the boy who she watched grow up and supported at all those volleyball matches -now asking for it all to end. He wondered how a seemingly delicate woman like her could cope when faced with these heart breaking realities. She was so strong.

Suga turned his attention back to that painfully serene face with a bitter notion. The state Oikawa was in right now was a taste of what he'd been craving for. Under the heavy blanket of drugs in his system, he didn’t have to care about the pains of living nor the burden of existing solely on his wheelchair. He was free. He could be whoever he wanted to be in the solace of his mind. But did he ever spare a thought for who he was going to leave behind?

Part of him wanted to punch Oikawa so badly for being so selfish but he bet the boy already knew that. After all, at the end of the day Suga would never have a clue about just how much pain he was going through to justify his actions. He could only wonder if the pain was great enough for him to be this selfish. And it probably was -knowing how Oikawa was actually pretty caring deep inside -it probably was.

The minutes ticked by, turning into dreary hours with only offers of taking over to watch Oikawa being exchanged. Suga could make out the sunlight gradually seeping in through the cracks in the curtains and the faint chirping of birds from outside.

When the next afternoon came, under Suga’s persuasion, Mrs Oikawa finally gave in and headed back to get a change of clothes, entrusting Suga to watch over her son while she was gone.

Suga was aware that the bags around his eyes were getting heavier by the minute and he was already on his sixth cup of coffee as he stared at Oikawa who hadn’t moved a single inch. He had insisted on staying even though Mrs Oikawa had clearly told him that it might take him days to wake up and he had no idea why he was being this stubborn about it either.

Maybe it was because a small part of him was afraid that if he’d even doze off for a second, he’d miss the moment where those chocolate eyes would finally open again. It was childish but…Suga just wanted to be the first to talk to Oikawa. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to ask. Though he knew when the moment came he probably wouldn’t be able to utter a single word but still, knowing that Oikawa would be there to listen was comforting.

He fished out his phone, texting a quick update to Daichi to let him know that he was still alive and probably wouldn’t be back for quite a while, and then rested his cheek against one hand.

His eyelids were growing dangerously heavy by the second and he had to pinch himself a few times to jolt himself awake. But it wasn’t long before he could endure it no longer and felt his consciousness slowly slipping away against his will.

But it was also in that moment when he felt Oikawa’s fingers slight movement in his and he almost jumped from his seat. The fatigue was gone in an instant and Suga blinked bewilderedly, not believing his eyes. He then leaned in closer to the boy’s face, watching as his eyes squinted a bit before slowly but surely, they opened.

It was only a slight crack between his two lids at first. But then the lines in his forehead began to crease as more of his brown irises came into sight and soon he was gazing at the ceiling with an expression that Suga didn’t like for some reason, almost like disappointment.

He watched as his glazed eyes scanned round the room, his face turning more downcast by the second. His gaze lingered over to Suga’s anxious form beside him and their eyes met for the longest second before Suga noticed his dark eyes turning a shade brighter. 

A low rasping sound escaped from the oxygen mask and Suga was all ready to rush to get the doctor until he realised that the rasping was merely Oikawa’s weak laughter and he arched an eyebrow.

“What are you laughing at?” Suga asked, his confusion getting the better of him despite knowing that Oikawa probably wouldn’t be able to talk.

But he did.

“…hair…band…” How raw his voice had been made Suga worry but the small smile he had on made him smile too.

“Really Oikawa?” He couldn’t resist a laugh. “Taking a jab at me the first thing after you wake up?”

He reached up to pull off his hairband but was met with Oikawa’s soft protests.

“…you look fine…weird suits you…”

“I think you must’ve hit your head too.”

Oikawa’s chest vibrated slightly as he chuckled and replied, “Maybe.”

“Are you in pain or anything? I could go get the doctors.”

“I’m fine Suga...” 

Suga’s heart skipped a beat. This was the first time he had called him that on his own will.

“You sure?” he asked a little too brightly but then tried to cover it up. “You look quite awful.”

“I’m sure…” His eyes crinkled in amusement. “And isn’t that how I usually look like to you?”

“Well, you could do with some colour.”

“So do you... How long have you been here?” Oikawa questioned the scratchiness in his throat now gone.

“Since last night.”

“Go home.”

“I’m staying.”

“I have the doctors and nurses here so you can rest assured.”

“I promised your mum that I’d stay here to watch over you so I’m staying.” 

“Tsk...always so stubborn.”

“Hilarious coming from you.”

Suga scoffed and Oikawa had no rebuttal to that, only staring at him hazily which made the colour rise to the boy's cheeks as he quickly averted his gaze.

“That reminds me…weren’t you going back to your hometown for the weekend?”

Suga nodded.

“You didn’t manage to go back didn’t you...because of me.”

“I couldn’t exactly just leave you.”

“Why not? You’re only my hired caretaker. You deserve time off.”

“Well just for your information. I actually consider you as a friend too.” 

“I must be a real troublesome one then.” 

“I’m glad you’re aware of that,” Suga teased, settling back down onto the couch. “But you do have your redeeming qualities.”

“Like what?”

“Like…” Suga’s eyes wandered and his tongue jutted out a bit. “You’re an awfully convincing person.”

“Hm. I do take pride in that.”

The grey haired boy chuckled and moved in closer to fix Oikawa’s hair. After a few combs and ruffles, Suga was finally satisfied with his work and pulled away.

Oikawa shot him a quizzical look.

“I was fixing your hair. You look weird when it’s not swept outwards.”

“Does it matter?”

“It doesn’t,” Suga lied. But deep down inside, he knew seeing Oikawa with his usual appearance could distract him from the ticking clock above him.

“You really do look severely sleep deprived.” 

“Does it matter?”

“It does.”

Oikawa gestured with his eyes to the empty space beside him, just enough for him to rest his head on. 

“You can rest your head here. Though I would much rather you rest at home but I doubt that’s gonna happen with your stubbornness.”

“Would that be okay?" Suga asked, too tired to decline. 

“Yes. Now just get some sleep.”

He obeyed his words without objection and proceeded to rest his head on his folded arms that sunk slightly into the hospital bed. Even with the pungent smell of antiseptics, Suga was still able to faintly smell Oikawa’s vanilla scent and it put him at ease, lulling him to sleep.

Oikawa quietly watched as the latter slipped away, his eyelashes falling softly against his pale skin. He found himself wishing the same old wish again. To regain the body he used to have. So that right now, he could reach out and touch Suga's soft face. Just to have one touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be longer but I split it into two parts as I didn't want to delay updating this fic any longer, considering it's already been a month (╥_╥) I'll post the next chapter in the next two days so do look out for that! Thanks for reading and bearing with my almost non existent updates ლ(・﹏・ლ)


	10. You're Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I said I would post in two days but I ended taking a week T^T To make up for that, this chapter is 2x longer so I hope you'll enjoy it!

Oikawa’s hospital stay had stretched on for a week. Despite him already feeling much better by the third day, the doctors had insisted that he stay a while longer just to make sure he didn’t have a relapse; to which the boy had no objections whatsoever but even Suga could tell that he was getting painfully bored of staring at the dull hospital walls with his own outfits being the only splash of colour.

Which was why he took it upon himself to be Oikawa’s only source of entertainment –be it by telling god awful jokes that only made the other party groan, or by sharing embarrassing childhood stories that were already being used against him.

And those seven days were perhaps a blessing in disguise for both of them as they had shared so many junior high stories and awkward family gatherings that there was really nothing else about each other that they both didn't know.

All but the accident and volleyball. Suga never dared to bring those two subjects up, no matter how comfortable it seemed. Oikawa never once mentioned them either.

But nevertheless, he was satisfied. Being able to get a glimpse –in fact more than that- of Oikawa’s life was something he never thought the boy would allow. But here he was. Going on about the time he went to Hokkaido in junior high.

“-and when you get to the very top of the hill. The trees are just these small specks in the horizon and there’s only a field of snow in front of you. Snowboarding down it was fun, the cold wind blowing past your face and your laughter fogging up in front of you…it’s a feeling you can’t bring yourself to forget to be honest. At least I haven’t…till now...”

Oikawa allowed his gaze to wander as he recalled the fond memories, but after a long pause with no reply, he diverted his attention back to Suga who looked deep in thought even though he had this blank look in his eyes.

“Suga?”

Suga’s head jerked up in response and his dazed look was quickly replaced with his usual wide eyed gaze.

“Did I space out again?” he asked, placing a hand to his head apologetically.

"What am I that boring?”

“No, no…it’s not that…”

A furrow formed between Oikawa’s eyebrows and he tilted his head.

“What is it then?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Well even if I question that, you’ll still say it’s nothing.” He sighed resignedly and looked away. “I want my headphones.”

Suga obeyed wordlessly and took out the white headphones along with the MP3 player from the drawer and then helped him put it on.

“Clair De Lune,” he requested curtly and Suga’s hand immediately grazed the play button before placing it on loop as the boy could probably listen to the same song for hours.

He could tell that Oikawa was annoyed at him. The way he avoided his gaze and how he had looked the other way was enough to tell him that. But it wasn’t as if Suga was doing it on purpose.

As the hours accumulated, turning into days that had passed them, Suga’s anxiety was growing at an alarming rate. He didn’t have much time left to change Oikawa’s mind, no matter how positive he tried to be about it, there really wasn’t much time.

And sometimes if he stopped and stared at Oikawa, he could faintly make out the numbers above his head, counting down steadily but never once stopping and it was unsettling at best but he knew that was just his anxiety playing with his mind. But that was the reality wasn’t it?

Even though they were so comfortable with each other now, talking for hours on end –the reality was that Oikawa was probably still bent on going to Dignitas in less than four months from now.

And it was mostly up to Suga to try and change that. Seeing how coldly Oikawa treated his mother and not to mention how he never once brought up his older sister, him and Tsukishima were really the only ones left that he was willing to open up to, even if it wasn’t completely.

So what was he supposed to do? How was he going to save him? Suga was at a complete loss.

These thoughts were all that occupied his mind recently which was why he always seemed so spaced out. But he needed answers to all his questions. And he needed them soon.

 

The next day, he bumped into Tsukishima at the entrance of the hospital who had offered to get him some coffee first before heading in.

And so they made their way to the coffee place across the road and settled down on one of those rickety chairs that never sat quite level with the pebbled ground.

Suga cupped the caramel macchiato in his palms, taking small sips while Tsukishima had settled on an espresso.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you Sugawara-san.”

“What is it?”

Tsukishima hesitated, drawing a long breath.

“You know about it don’t you? About the six months?”

There was a long, drawn out silence and Suga had gone expressionless, his eyes rid of its shine.

“Yes. I do.”

“Ah…” Tsukishima scoffed as everything started piecing together. “It all makes sense now.”

“You knew too?”

“I did. Long before you came.”

“Did Mrs Oikawa tell you or did you have to find out yourself?”

“I found out. Though I did suspect something from the very first day I started working there but I waved it off. That is, until he tried to take his own life. You saw it didn’t you? That night when he had a fever. The scars on his wrist?”

“So those…” Suga bit his lip as his past fear was slowly being confirmed. “Those weren’t an accident?”

“An awful lot of scars for just an accident don’t you think? But no, he tried to kill himself when the previous caretaker went off for an hour to fix her car. And he would’ve succeeded if it weren’t for Mrs Oikawa coming home early and discovering him in the reading room surrounded by a pool of his own blood. Even I was surprised that the doctors managed to save him."

Suga’s fingers tightened around the paper cup causing some of the coffee to spill from the brim. He grew tight lipped and couldn’t bring himself to respond. Oikawa had actually went that far?

“But I’m glad you chose to stay Sugawara-san. Oikawa he…he mostly keeps to himself but ever since you came, he’s been talking so much and he doesn’t have that detached look he used to have. So I’m glad. I’m really glad that you could reach out to him.”

“But what’s the use Tsukishima-san? I doubt he’s changed his mind about going to that place even though we’re friends now. I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to change his mind. I don’t even know if I can…” His voice broke at the last syllable. “I feel like I’m going crazy...this...this anxiety from knowing that time isn’t gonna stop for me... It’s never going to stop. Even though that’s what I need right now.”

“You do know you’re not alone on this right? Mrs Oikawa, Tori-san and I all want to save him from his decision. Even though you’re the closest to him right now, that doesn’t mean you have to do this alone.”

“Then what should we do?” Suga begged. “I’m at my wits end.”

“All things have to start out small. Most importantly, we need to give him a reason to live. And a reason strong enough to make someone want to continue living life in a wheelchair, enduring bed cramps and going in and out of hospitals....well, it'll have to be a pretty good one."

"Small things like?"

Tsukishima nodded, watching the black coffee swirl in his cup with a thoughtful expression.

“Like having some afternoon tea at a café or even going to a park. If all Oikawa-san knows is the four walls of his bedroom, how is he going to know the beauty of the world we live in?’

“Will you help me then?” Suga chimed in, sitting on the edge of his seat. “I don’t have any medical knowledge and if something were to happen while we’re out, I wouldn’t know what to do other than to call an ambulance. But with you around, I’ll have nothing to worry about.”

A warm smile danced across Tsukishima’s lips and he grunted in agreement.

“Oikawa-san may be my patient but I see him as a friend as well. Of course I’d help."

The relief of having someone else by his side was overbearing and for the first time in forever, Suga felt hope.  
He lowered his head as tears began to drip.

They could change Oikawa’s mind.

They could.

“Thank you Tsukishima-san...thank you…”

 

Oikawa got discharged the following morning and under Mrs Oikawa’s suggestion, spent most of the day tucked in his bed to get more rest, even though that was what he'd been doing for the past week. Suga questioned her logic sometimes.

He was practically itching to get him out of the house now. He had spent the whole of last night glued to Daichi’s laptop, researching on places nearby that were wheelchair accessible and the choices that came up were endless to his surprise. They could practically do anything.

This got him excited as he never thought that he would get to choose from this many choices. But ultimately he remembered Tsukishima’s words and tried to pick something simple to start off.

He finally decided on dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant two streets away after seeing the good reviews it had and phoned Tsukishima to check if he was free to which he said he was.

The biggest problem he faced, however, was getting Mrs Oikawa’s approval. Telling her about his plan and having her bombard him with a million questions in return was both mentally and physically exhausting. It felt like his job interview all over again.

She had almost rejected him a couple of times and if it weren’t for him ensuring that Tsukishima would be there to help if anything cropped up, she would’ve never said yes and Suga had never wanted to tell a person so badly that it was impossible for anyone to choke to death.

He came over later in the afternoon and found that Tsukishima had arrived before him and was already packing medicine into a backpack.

“Does he really need all these? We’re just going to get some dinner after all.”

"It's not exactly a walk in the park to get him out of this house you know, Suga-san..."

Suga went over to have a peek at the bag's contents and gulped when he did.

"He needs this much medicine?"

"Well, there's one to keep his blood pressure from rising, another for his muscle spasms, anti-bladder spasms as well as for acid reflux if he gets uncomfortable after a meal." He zipped up the bag and gave it a pat in finality. "That's about it."

Suga gave him an unbelievable look. "That's it? That's like a whole pharmacy's worth of medicine!"

“Now you know how much care has to be put in to keep Oikawa’s body functioning properly.”

"Geez I wish I didn't."

The nurse dressed smartly in a black button down, sniggered and tossed the bag over to Suga who had caught it at the last moment.

He checked his watch before muttering, "I should go wake Oikawa-san now."

"Let me do it.”

Tsukishima arched an eyebrow.  
"You'll have to get him into his wheelchair and change his shirt too. You sure you can handle that?"

Suga gestured an okay sign and grinned, "I've done them all before Tsukishima-san. Don't underestimate me!"

The door to Oikawa's room creaked open quietly and the sound of Suga's soft footsteps echoed off the wooden flooring.

"It's time to wake up."

He reached for the drawn up curtains and swiped them away, allowing the remaining light from the setting sun to spill onto the bed with the still sleeping boy.

And when that wasn't enough to wake him up, Suga bent down beside him and aimed his finger at the boy's cheek and started poking it.

"O-Oi..." Oikawa groaned, eyes slowly opening after suffering Suga's attack.  
"Wakey wakey," he beamed, eyes disappearing into half-moons.

"Couldn't you think of a better way to wake me up?"

"How else was I supposed to wake you when you were sleeping like a log?"

"Tsk. What are you? My mum?" He yawned, but was starting to feel more awake.

"I'd be horrified if I was."

Oikawa scoffed and rolled his eyes. He then noticed how differently Suga was dressed and asked, "Why are you all dressed up?"

"Cuz I'm taking you out to dinner. Think of it as a date if you'd like."

"I can reject you right?”

"Wow." Suga flipped his non-existent long locks. "I'll just take Tsukishima-san then."

He turned on his heels and was pretending to leave when he heard a chuckle from behind.

Suga whipped back and found Oikawa stifling his laughter before breaking into a smug smile.

"I wouldn't mind being the third wheel then."

Hearing this, he let out an exasperated laugh and shook his head.

"Let's get you changed into something nice then. I can't have my third wheel being a fashion disaster."

"Are you actually going to pick out my clothes?” Oikawa gawked at the kitten sweatshirt he had on right now. “Lord have mercy and spare me."

"Unfortunately for you, I’m not one to show mercy." Suga stuck a tongue out at him. "Especially to those who pick on my style."

"I'll take this chance to apologize then, in exchange for you not turning me into an eighties cat lady.”

"Too late. Your wardrobe is mine to decide tonight," Suga winked before proceeding to open the dresser.  
He scanned its contents from left to right, his lips curling in distaste.

“That’s an awful lot of black and white. How boring.”

“Does it matter how I look? The first thing people notice will be this wheelchair anyway.”

Oikawa had blurted that out, only remembering that Suga was incredibly sensitive to the subject after he said it. But to his surprise, he didn’t falter.

“Well there are people who will look at you instead. Like me.” 

His fingers skimmed through the different fabric before finally stopping on one. He pulled it out and held it out to his eyes that were brimming with excitement.

Suga then met his gaze hopefully.

“So won’t you dress in something nice…for me?”

The chocolate haired boy went quiet for a while, staring at Suga and then to the pale white button up with intricate designs on its sides with an unreadable expression. 

He exhaled and nodded in agreement. 

Suga broke into a smile that could've lit up the whole city as he did a little victory dance.

It didn’t take long at all for him to change and freshen up. And when Suga had wheeled Oikawa out to the corridor, Tsukishima couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Hey hot stuff." The nurse let out a low whistle as he patted his shoulders. “But really you look wonderful, Oikawa-san.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes but they could all tell that he was amused. 

“The car’s ready. Let’s go then?”

“Let’s go!” Suga cheered and they all made their way into the car that was specially equipped with a platform and a spacious interior so that Oikawa could easily get on.

Tsukishima had offered to take the wheel, leaving Suga to accompany Oikawa at the back which was bad news for the latter as he wouldn’t stop going on about how much fun they were going to have. 

In actual fact, Suga didn’t care about how great the food was or how heavenly the tiramisu tasted; he only wanted Oikawa to have a good time, nothing else mattered.

Seeing how so much had to be prepared just to get him out of the house, he wanted to make this trip worth it. He couldn’t let Tsukishima down either.

Looking out to the now darkening sky, the realisation that another day was passing them hit him. 

Time wasn’t going to stop for him. It wasn’t going to stop for anyone. 

He just had to make the best out of each day. 

And Oikawa was going to have to learn that too.

 

They entered the lobby of a luxurious hotel with a grand staircase that resembled the one at Oikawa’s house except that this one was on a way larger scale. 

Under the directions that were given from the bellboy, the trio made their way to the Italian restaurant that happened to be the hotel’s most renowned feature.

“Hello,” Suga said, in a posher voice than usual as he stood at the reception area. “Table for three please.”

The woman eyed the three of them, gaze lingering on Oikawa and Suga silently begged that she wouldn’t mention anything about a disabled seating area. Not in front of him at least.

“Your room key please.”

“Sorry?”

“Your hotel room key.”

He looked at her blankly.

“This restaurant is only open to hotel guests."

Suga glanced behind at Oikawa and Tsukishima who were both eyeing and discussing about the menu sign displayed outside. 

He took a deep breath. 

“Okay. Are there any other restaurants here?”

“I’m afraid this is our hotel’s only restaurant.” She noticed his face falling and swiftly added, “But there’s a Macdonald’s just down the road.”

“A MacDonald’s.”

“Yes.”

Suga gave her his most perplexed face. He then leaned in and said, “Please. You have no idea how much we had to go through to get my friend here. So is there any way we could get a table here at all?”

She wrinkled her nose. “I’m really sorry but it’s more than my job’s worth to override the rules.”

The tension began to creep up on Suga’s shoulders. He thought he might have gone completely rigid.

“Look,” he started, exhaling deeply. “You haven’t even begun to fill your tables. Wouldn’t it be better to have more people eating than to leave half these tables empty? All because of some impractical rule on the book?”  
“Sir, I’ve explained the situation to you. If I let you in, I’ll have to do the same for everyone.”

“But it makes no sense! You have empty tables. We want a meal. A properly expensive meal with napkins and everything.”

Other diners had begun to turn in their seats, curious about the commotion by the door. He could see Oikawa looking embarrassed now. He and Tsukishima must have worked out that something was going wrong.

“Then I’m afraid you should’ve checked before coming.”

“Alright.” He reached into his sling bag. “How much is a one night’s stay in this hotel? 

Crumpled notes and old bills spilled out from his bag as he searched for his wallet. He no longer cared. Desperation made him fearless and he was going to get Oikawa his Italian meal that he promised. 

He took out the wages that Mrs Oikawa had just given him and thrust a fistful of hundred dollar notes at her.

She looked down at his hand and said, “I’m sorry. You’ll have to book a room at the check in counter in the lobby. But our hotel’s fully booked tonight. You’ll have to come another day.”

They stared at each other with Suga looking absolutely baffled while the lady only looked embarrassed. 

“Suga.” Oikawa’s voice broke in. “Let’s go.”

He felt his eyes suddenly turn watery as indignation pulsed through him. 

“No. I’ll go talk to the person at the check in counter to see if they can squeeze us a spare room.”

“I’m not hungry Suga.”

“But-”

“Please.” His voice went softer. “Let’s just go.”

Suga bit his lip to keep him from crying out loud in despair and turned back to the lady at the counter.

He was now the focus of the whole restaurant. The gaze of the diners swept over him and travelled to Oikawa, where they clouded with faint pity or distaste. Suga felt like an utter failure. 

“Well thanks for being so fucking accommodating,” he said through gritted teeth. 

“Oi Suga-” Oikawa’s voice carried a warning.

“So glad that you are so flexible.”

He swept all his things back into his bag and left to join them, though not before he could squeeze in one last jab. 

“You can go stuff your hotel room keys up your ass.”

The lady gaped at him, unable to fathom a single sentence and watched as he stormed off ahead of his two friends. 

His footsteps clacked against the expensive marble floor and he had to stop his hands from shaking with rage. The people he passed all stopped to give him weird looks to which Suga couldn’t give a damn anymore.

Once he was outside and felt the cool evening breeze billowing past his hot cheeks, he calmed down a little and it was only then he felt the shame swallow him whole.

The other two soon caught up with him and Tsukishima clapped a hand to his shoulder comfortingly.  
He turned to see the nurse offering him a weak smile and Oikawa beside him was completely nonchalant.

“Let’s just go get some Macdonald’s and eat at the nearby park,” Tsukishima suggested.

Suga merely nodded and set off ahead of them, all the while keeping his head low and not saying a word.

The park was luckily only two blocks away and didn’t take more than five minutes to reach with Suga’s frustrated footsteps. 

It was mostly deserted with only a few children playing by the swings. They found a park bench that overlooked the fountain and chose to settle down there.

“I’ll go get us food. Is there anything you have in mind, Sugawara-san?” Tsukishima asked, his voice bore a hint of worry.

“Anything’s fine.”

“I’ll leave Oikawa-san in your care then.”

Suga grunted and the bespectacled man left in the direction they had came from, leaving him alone with the chocolate haired boy.

He plopped down on the bench, folded his arms and stared at his feet. He noticed Oikawa staring at him from the corner of his eye and his lips met to form a thin line as he tried to rid his face of guilt.

But flashbacks of how he had gone on about how much of a great time they were going to have in the car played in his mind and Suga wanted the ground to open and swallow him up.

He shut his eyes in a pained look and rested his forehead against his clasped palms. 

“You don’t have to feel bad.”

Oikawa’s voice chimed in and he really didn’t want him to be all forgiving now. It only made him feel worse.

“I’m so sorry,” he rasped, his tears reappearing. “I’m so useless…I can’t even take you out to a proper meal…”

“I don’t see what’s so bad about Macdonald’s in a park.”

“Considering I was planning to take you somewhere that you'd enjoy yourself -it is quite bad."

“Who says I’m not enjoying myself?”

Suga’s gaze lifted and he met Oikawa’s bemused face who then said, “You’re finally not looking at the ground.” 

The boy laughed softly and Suga grew confused. 

“You’re enjoying this?”

“I’ve been enjoying myself ever since we left that awfully posh hotel.”

“Wait. So you’re telling me...?”

“If you had bothered to ask me first Suga, I would’ve told you that I dislike Italian food, and I would take a Big Mac over anything else any day."

Suga blinked, still lost in a state of confusion and surprise. And then slowly but surely, tears of relief began rolling down his face and he started laughing too.

“You should’ve told me from the start!” He managed to utter between bouts of laughter and tears. “I...I thought I wasted your time."

"Don't cry."

Suga sniffled and let out a sheepish laugh.

"I'm sorry, I just felt like such a failure...all I wanted was to make you happy."

"Well...even though it kills me to say this Suga." Oikawa licked his lips, trying to hide the colour rising to his cheeks. "You have made me happy."

"Huh?" Suga had gone wide eyed.

"This shirt."

With his words, Suga's attention diverted to the white dress shirt that he had picked out for Oikawa and his forehead creased.

"What about it?"

"This used to be my favourite. But after all that's happened, I couldn't bring myself to wear it again. But here I am..." He laughed, as if unable to believe himself. "When you picked out this shirt out of all the others, I was hesitant at first. But seeing how you were looking at me with those hopeful eyes, how could I say no?"

Suga chuckled and held up a peace sign. "Well my persuasiveness has always been my biggest strength."

They both exchanged brief glances before their conversation died away. Oikawa's attention was now on the kids playing by the swings with their high pitched laughter and broad smiles that never left their faces even when they fell.

Even though it was unreasonable on his part, Oikawa envied them so much. Being able to get up on their own each time they fell was second nature to them and almost effortless.

But to him, it was only wishful thinking. A dream.

His face went rigid and he tore his gaze away only to notice Suga looking up at the stars with a whimsical look.

The stars reflected off his hazel eyes and silvery gray hair, basking him in an ethereal glow. Oikawa silently admired him like this, being able to smile again even though he'd just been crying.

Occasionally, Suga would catch his eye and despite him trying to hide it, a faint blush would tint his cheeks.

And this certain thought that had been on his mind more often these days would reappear as he found himself unable to take his eyes off Suga.

He really was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew this took quite a long time to write （；￣д￣）Also, I've recently fallen in love with Suga's seiyuu!! That man has such a lovely acting and singing voice you should really check him out. This is a song of his that I listened to while writing this chapter https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmnrPsiAsRk I hope you all liked this chapter and I have a rather angsty/ emotional one coming soon :x Thanks for reading!


	11. Bitter

Oikawa was spending more time outside these days, and it was all down to Suga who was dragging him along to every nook and cranny of his neighbourhood that he was starting to forget how his usual afternoons were spent.

He’d never went out this much within a span of two weeks. The places Suga had taken him to weren’t unfamiliar to him either, just that it’d been so long since he ever went anywhere. His old haunts were nothing but old memories ever since his life got turned upside down.

Part of the reason why he hardly ever went out was because of the inconvenience imposed from him being wheelchair bound; the other was really just this uncontrollable bitterness he felt.

Being wheeled down the streets he used to stroll down with his teammates and the fact that nothing had changed –not even the little cracks in the pavement or the soft cherry blossoms that littered the path- was unnerving.

Oikawa soon realised that the only one who had changed was him.

He wasn’t strolling around idly, occasionally being stopped by girls asking for his number, neither was Iwaizumi yelling at him to hurry up. He wasn’t laughing obnoxiously, nor cracking jokes with his teammates.

All of that belonged in the past. The him from the past wasn’t coming back. He _couldn’t_ go back.

His reality now was this wheelchair. No matter what anyone said, this wheelchair _was_ what defined him.

Because the only way he could move was on these four wheels and the girls that passed him these days would only look at him in pity. No one would yell at him to hurry up because it was physically impossible. And the only one cracking jokes now was Suga.

Everything was still the same. Everything but him.

Of course, Oikawa would never tell Suga all these. Even when he would wheel him towards the uphill climb, not knowing that that was the path to his old school. Or when they would past the convenience store that used to be where he and the other Seijoh boys got popsicles after training.

He kept his pain from showing because he didn’t want Suga to get all maudlin knowing how incredibly sensitive and delicate he was. It wouldn’t take much to break him to be honest.

But it was also funny how the only person who didn’t seem to notice his wheelchair at all was the one who had been in his life the shortest. Suga was the only one who never babied him or gave in to him when he was being blatantly unreasonable. A first considering that a lot of people seemed to think that just because he was disabled, he could run over a cat and it’d still wouldn’t be his fault because he just can’t ‘help it’.

He was sick of being treated like that, especially by his Mum. In fact, he was willing to give anything to hear her scold him again. For leaving the bathroom light on, for not doing his homework, for not eating his vegetables. Anything. He just wanted his old Mum back. Not this solemn, tired looking woman who was too blinded by his wheelchair to even call out on her son for being such a brat.

But what’s the use? These were all just hopeless wishes that could only remain wishes forever, never being fulfilled. And he couldn’t live with that.

Knowing that he was just going to spend the rest of his life in this wheelchair, going through the frequent pain of disease and abandoning his dreams that can’t possibly be realized anymore –Oikawa couldn’t accept it.

“Oi Oikawa.”

He snapped out of his train of thoughts and was once again, transported back into the corner of the small café where Suga was currently making weird faces at him with his entire mouth obscured by coffee foam.

Oikawa’s eyes narrowed and he gave him a look of disgust.

“Really?”

“I reckon Frappuccino shaving cream should be a thing.”

“Sometimes I’m glad that you’re stuck here as my caretaker. If you were an engineer the world would end in five days.”

“Three if Daichi’s my assistant. He once tried to microwave an egg. An _egg_. We almost died.”

“An egg!” Oikawa went into a fit of laughter. “I’m starting to rethink ever letting you into the kitchen.”

“It was Daichi’s clever idea anyway -not mine. So you can rest assured I won’t blow up your house.”

“Well you didn’t stop him.”

“…Good point.”

His lip curled up on one side and Suga only laughed it off sheepishly before placing the straw to Oikawa’s mouth.

He sank back in his seat and rubbed his two hands together as he felt the air conditioner blowing icy wind onto the top of his head. He then briefly glanced out of the window before turning back his attention.

“Where’d you wanna go for dinner? I know a Chinese place that’s not too far from here. Or if you’d like something more casual there’s a Macdonald’s just two streets down.”

“Actually. I’d really just like to go home.”

Suga’s face softened and he nodded in understanding.

“You must be tired, huh?”

“A bit,” Oikawa admitted, with a weak smile. “But I just miss your cooking a bit.”

“Eh? Mine?” Suga briefly lit up and blushed. “No one’s ever said that…”

“I liked that beef and potatoes stew.”

The grey haired boy gave a toothy grin, elated at his compliment.

“Well then I guess we’ll have to stop by the grocery store later.”

“Could you make some dumplings too?”

“Well, well isn't someone greedy today?”

“Is it a yes then?”

A chuckled escaped Suga as he leaned against his arms and gave him his most endearing smile.

“How could I ever say no to you?”

 

 

Dinner took Suga two hours, one whole bag of flour and a whole lot of patience as if there was one thing he absolutely had no patience for –it was peeling potatoes. The moon and stars had already made an entrance by the time he was done and he hurriedly shoved all the used cooking equipment to one side before whisking off into Oikawa’s room with his dinner and dessert perched on a tray.

There was a certain spring in his steps that Suga couldn’t explain. He was just in such high spirits these days that the anxiety no longer bothered him as badly as before.

He had hope. Regardless if it was false or not.

He gave the slightly ajar door a kick whilst trying to overcome his innate clumsiness before finally entering the room unscathed. Oikawa had fallen asleep by the fireplace, the checked blanket reaching his neck and his fair skin being illuminated by the glowing embers.

To Suga’s relief, Oikawa had gained back the colour he’d lost from his hospital stay and his appetite was improving immensely as well. Everything was almost too good to be true that it did throw him off a little.

He settled the tray down, sighing softly as he realised he had underestimated just how tired Oikawa actually was. A new found sense of guilt crept within him and he muttered a thousand silent apologies in his head.

Plopping himself down on the couch, Suga rolled his lips as he rested his cheek against one hand, wondering what he should do. The food wasn’t going to get any warmer but Oikawa looked so comfortable in his sleep that he couldn’t bear to wake him.

He reached for his left hand that had fallen out of the blanket and lifted it back onto his lap when he felt the outlines of his scar again. His insides twisted as he flipped his hand over to reveal the very distinct scar on his wrist. Suga had almost forgotten about its existence because of the long pullovers that Oikawa always chose to wear. It then caught on to him that the reason for that was probably because he wanted to hide this scar.

His eyes grew glazed as disappointment began filling him up. Despite everything, Oikawa still wouldn’t let him in and he wondered if he ever will.

He hugged his knees to himself as his features clouded with a faint sadness. He hadn’t felt the urge to give up this much before. Ever since he came into Oikawa’s life, his feelings were like an ever changing roller coaster with him never knowing when the next drop was coming.

If he were to be honest, he was tired. But he couldn’t give up. Oikawa’s life depended on him.

He allowed his gaze to wander, occasionally checking for any signs that suggest the boy was going to wake up but so far there was none of that yet. His hazel eyes stared absently at the crackling fire before he noticed a small note on the coffee table, closest to Oikawa.

He picked it up and instinctively headed towards the bin but paused when he noticed the words on it.

It was scribbled in a messy but still intelligible fashion and there was a date and time along with the name of a university. But what made him stop in his tracks was that the university it mentioned was the one Daichi was attending and he began to scan it fervently once more.

He didn’t manage to come up with anything more as there were only those three things written on it and no matter how hard he racked his brains, there wasn’t much he could infer from this in the first place.

He breathed a heavy sigh and decided to wave it off, placing the note back at where he’d found it.

“That was from an old schoolmate.”

Oikawa was staring back at him with still sleepy eyes but they soon transcended into an unreadable expression.

“Oh. How nice,” Suga answered cheerily. “What’s it for?”

The latter didn’t answer and Suga chewed on his lip, deciding that it was best not to pester him for an answer. He then hurried back to check if his dinner was still warm.

He held a hand over the stew and was relieved that there was still some warmth emitting from it.

“You okay with having dinner right now? It’ll turn cold if we wait any longer.”

Oikawa softly shut his eyes in agreement and Suga immediately held the spoonful of stew to his awaiting mouth. He watched as he chewed slowly and then a small smile flitted across his face.

“It tastes good, Suga.”

“Really?” he grinned, using a napkin to wipe away the sauce on the sides of his lips before giving another spoonful. “Have some of the dumplings too.”

“I never knew you could cook this well. I would’ve gotten you to do something more complicated instead.”

“Always bullying me.”

“That’s not bullying. I’m merely giving you a chance to do what you’re good at.”

Suga scoffed and rolled his eyes, amused at how Oikawa always had something to retaliate. His gaze then landed on the piece of paper again and he figured he could try his luck.

“About that paper…well I noticed that the university mentioned is the same one my friend is going to so I’m a bit curious about what that note’s all about.”

Oikawa’s gentle eyes grew cold upon his words and he began looking quite conflicted with himself.

But after a long drawn out silence, he let out a heavy sigh.

“Nationals. My…my old team made it to nationals and one of them wanted me to be there too.”

Suga’s heart skipped a beat. They were currently on the topic that he’d never dared to touch.

“O-Oh. I see. That’s…sweet of them.”

He began to reach for the paper and wanted to hide it from his view but Oikawa stopped him.

He shook his head when Suga met his gaze in both confusion and surprise.

“I know what you’re thinking Suga. You don’t have to,” Oikawa smiled weakly, but how tired he had sounded and the look in his eyes that suggested he'd given up so long ago made Suga’s heart ache.

Tears began welling up in his hazel eyes as he couldn’t help but feel so bad for him. Oikawa didn’t deserve any of this.

He cupped a hand to his mouth to stifle his sobs, apologizing profusely for how he was acting all of a sudden to which Oikawa only shushed with soothing words.

The one doing the comforting should’ve been Suga in the first place, but here he was, feeling the pain and bitterness that only Oikawa had the right to feel.

“I-I’m sorry. I j-just…”

His words were lost in his sobs again.

Oikawa could only watch on helplessly, his fingers digging into the blanket.

The food soon turned cold and the moon was shining even brighter in the now darkened sky.

It was nine when Suga finally met his gaze again through teary eyes.

And Oikawa didn't know what overcame him, he just felt like he needed to.

“Suga?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"We're free tomorrow right?"

Suga ran through the schedule in his mind and nodded readily.

"Let's go watch the match." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this chapter's a bit awkward or has typos, I had to rush it out a bit as I have a whole lot of tests coming out. But I promise I'll put in my best for the next chapter as I've been wanting to write Oikawa watching his old teammates at nationals for sooo long now and it's finally here T^T Do look forward to it~!


	12. It's Been A While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of Seijoh vs Shiratorizawa

Suga still couldn't believe it. Not even as he watched Tsukishima pack all the usual equipment into the brown haversack, or when Oikawa insisted that his hair had to be swept extra outwards to stay faithful to his signature look in high school. 

It'd just been a little over two months ago when Oikawa broke those pictures on his shelf. The ones that depicted his glamorous past as the star captain of an almost unbeatable volleyball team and the life that had been snatched away cruelly from him.

Suga could still remember the devastation in his eyes when he had pleaded to be left alone. It'd been etched in his mind ever since that day and he hadn't been able to erase it. Perhaps it was from that fateful incident that Suga laid a boundary for himself.

Volleyball was something strictly off limits to him. A line that he could not cross at all costs.

But, ironically, it was Oikawa who was crossing it now.

Suga eyed him warily from the corner of his eye, studying him as he ate his breakfast of oatmeal without displaying any signs of dread at all. It just seemed like a completely normal day for him and he wondered if Oikawa had forgotten that they were going to watch his old teammates play at nationals in less than two hours.

As he dabbed the end of Oikawa's mouth with a napkin, the latter couldn't help but notice the tentative looks he was shooting him and arched a questioning brow.

"Is something the matter?"

Suga couldn't believe his ears.

"You know you still haven't told me why you had this sudden idea to go watch the volleyball nationals," he answered, furrowing his eyebrows in return.

Oikawa merely pursed his lips and blew air into his cheeks, and if he could move, Suga was sure that he would've shrugged his shoulders as well.

"Just had a whim."

Suga let out an exasperated sigh but found himself snorting instead. All those days where he took great care in never bringing volleyball up as if his life had depended on it –to think it all turned out in vain. All because of a whim.

"You're unbelievable Oikawa."

“I know,” he smirked.

“I won’t make your favourite dish ever again as revenge.”

“That’s a breach in contract. I’ll sue you.”

“Ha! I’m penniless. You won’t get a single cent out of me.”

“Well I can always get you to pay me in other ways. Like having you work for me free of charge till you pay it all off.”

“What? That’s unfair!” Suga whined. “I’ll be here till my hair turns grey!”

“Are you blind? It’s already grey!’

“Oh you know what I mean.”

They both stared at each other, in amusement and exasperation at how far off their conversation had reached. Suga was trying his hardest not to laugh but his face whilst trying to made Oikawa choke so said that he said between bouts of laughter, “I wouldn’t mind have you here till you grow old though.”

This sent him into another laughing fit but Suga didn’t join in. Oikawa soon realised this and noticed that he was staring at him, stunned.

“What’s wrong?”

Suga’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he finally regained his senses.

“It-It’s nothing. Just a bit tired,” he grinned sheepishly.

“Do you want to rest then?”

“No! We’ll be late if I do. Don’t worry, I’ll get some sleep in the car.”

Suga beamed at him brightly to which Oikawa gave him a quizzical look but didn’t pursue the matter much to his relief.

And as he helped Oikawa with his breakfast, Suga had to stop his lips from quivering.

 _Staying here till I grow old?_ He thought.

His fingers tightened around the spoon as he tried his utmost best to not let the tears start falling.

_But what’s the use if you won’t be here with me?_

 

 

Suga didn’t manage to get much sleep during the journey. It had been a fairly short car ride and his overflowing curiosity made it impossible for him to even sit still.

A small part of him was incredibly nervous. He’d have never thought in a million years that he would be attending such an event with Oikawa so he really had no idea what to expect.

But then again, this had all been Oikawa’s idea. If anything, Suga trusted that he wouldn’t dive into anything that he thought he couldn’t handle.

The car slowly came to a halt and Suga exhaled deeply as he mentally prepared himself for the minefield he was going to have to manoeuvre through the whole day.

They had pulled up right beside the University’s front gate and as Tsukishima guided Oikawa down the car ramp, Suga noticed that they was already getting stares from the students around.

A few even pointed and whispered to their friends who all bore a look of surprise on their faces.

Suga’s gaze searched nervously for Oikawa’s reaction but to his utter relief, the boy didn’t seem to react negatively to this at all. At least, he didn’t show it.

“The medicines all packed in this pill organiser. I’ve written the time on it too so this should be easy for you to remember,” Tsukishima instructed, handing the compact pink box to him before fastening himself into the driver’s seat again.

“Are you sure you’re not coming?” Suga pouted.

“I really can’t Suga. I have a year-end assessment at mid-noon. But don’t worry, I’m sure you can manage on your own. I’ve already changed his catheter and everything this morning. Your only job is to give him his pills on time.”

“Alright then…Thanks anyway Tsukishima,” he beamed to which the bespectacled blond smiled warmly in return.

“Try to help him enjoy this alright? I’m sure being here again in the state he’s in must be a real downer –even if he doesn’t show it.”

“Ah…yes.” Glancing behind him, Suga’s gaze softened when he saw Oikawa looking up at the sky, amidst the commotion that had started around him because of his unexpected arrival. “I will.”

After waving goodbye, the slick black range rover began picking up speed and drove away into the city.

He took a deep breath, muttering silent words of encouragement to himself. With his fingers tightening into a ball, Suga whirled around and headed to Oikawa’s side.

“You don’t mind if I push you right?” he offered.

“Sure. It’s easier for me anyway,” Oikawa muttered.

Suga then grasped the two handles of his hand and they both looked on ahead to the grounds that lay before them with unreadable expressions.

“Let’s go then,” Suga said softly, as if he were saying that to himself and the pair made their way into the University grounds.

Oikawa’s appearance had attracted quite a lot of attention much to the grey haired boy’s dismay and there were murmurs and stares being thrown at them in every direction.

_“Isn’t that Oikawa?”_

_“-no way.”_

_“Oh my god it is him!”_

_“Wow poor dude. Wasn’t he the ex-captain of our school’s volleyball team?”_

_“To think they’re playing at nationals today and he’s in this state.”_

_“Hey isn’t he the one the girls were so crazy about?”_

Suga’s eyebrows twitched. Did these people really think they couldn’t hear them?

He glared at a particularly loud group of obnoxious female students who had been in the middle of discussing Oikawa’s current state rather carelessly and they immediately quietened down upon recognising the look of utter annoyance he had aimed at them.

Soon, Suga heard himself being discussed too.

_“Who’s that guy beside Oikawa though? Is he his brother or something?”_

_“The last I heard he only has an older sister.”_

_“Look at him glaring at those girls. Who the fuck does he think he is?”_

_“Ten bucks that he and Oikawa are dating.”_

_“Eh? But I’ve never heard of Oikawa liking boys.”_

_“Why not? Grey punk’s pretty cute anyway.”_

He was pink in the cheeks now and Suga had never felt so targeted in his life. He glanced down at Oikawa who he figured must’ve been going through a harder time than he was but the latter only looked straight ahead, ignoring everything around him.

He sighed and decided to let this all slide since Oikawa wasn't making a big deal out of it either.

They stopped by the atrium and Suga knew that they couldn’t have gone more than a hundred metres but he was already lost.

“Hey Oikawa. Do you know how to get to the sports hall?”

“It’s straight ahead. Through that crowd.”

Suga traced his line of vision to the large group of people a distance in front of them. Some of them had already begun to notice Oikawa.

He gulped. Not sure if he was ready for another round of being scrutinized and gossiped about.

And the longer he stood there frozen in spot, more students began to notice their presence.

“Don’t let them get to you Suga.”

“I-I’m not.”

His grip on the handles tightened and he was feeling horrible again over the fact that Oikawa was the one comforting him when really, their roles should’ve been reversed.

“Erm do you want to go another way? I’ll try finding one!”

With that, Suga scanned around frantically but still couldn’t find a possible route until he heard someone whispering to him.

_“Psss…Suga! Over here.”_

He whipped around, trying to find the source of the sound before finally, his gaze landed on Daichi’s head poking out from behind a wall.

Suga visibly brightened and he hurriedly wheeled Oikawa to where he was at the back of the building. Luckily, everyone had been too caught up in their own discussions to notice that the topic of their discussion had seemingly disappeared into thin air.

Panting, Suga smiled gratefully when Daichi offered him a tissue.

“What are you doing here?” Suga gasped, trying to keep his voice low as he dabbed at his sweat.

“That’s what I should be asking _you_.”

“We came to watch the volleyball nationals.”

“Well hey. Same here!” Daichi beamed, before remembering that he hadn’t introduced himself.

“I’m Daichi by the way. Nice to meet you Oikawa-san,” he chuckled good-naturedly.

“It’s nice to finally meet you too. Suga’s boyfriend.”

“What?!” Suga half choked but then quickly clamped a hand to his own mouth. He shot an accusing look at the boy who was now stifling his laughter whilst avoiding his gaze.

Daichi, taken aback by his comment, turned an even darker shade of pink before finally letting out a nervous chuckle and said, “I called you two over because…well. You guys don’t seem to be enjoying all the attention do you?”

“Who likes being gossiped about?” Suga retaliated.

Daichi only shrugged and offered a sheepish laugh.

“I figured that so I’ll bring you two to the Sports Hall through another way. A less…crowded way.”

“Oh thank god. You’re a life saviour, Daichi.”

The tan boy winked and he jerked his head to the direction that they were heading to and the both of them followed after him obediently.

Daichi was relatively quiet throughout the walk, never interrupting any of the small talks between the pair and Suga wondered why. It was a shame as he thought it’d be nice if Daichi and Oikawa could be friends too.

There were a couple of times where he tried to include him in the conversation but all he did was reply with one worded answers that it seemed futile to even try.

Not long after, Suga went solemn too. He did catch Daichi looking back at him a few times and maybe he had imagined it but he almost seemed…down.

They took an elevator ride to the fourth floor and it was so awkward in there in that compact, metal room that Suga felt physically uncomfortable.

When the steel doors slid open, they could hear the distant bustling of a crowd that must’ve gathered to watch the match. And from the sounds of it, there were a lot of people.

Daichi led them down the hallway, where the cheers were growing infinitely louder with each step they took and they finally stopped in front of a two way door. Suga’s heart was racing in his chest, he never liked being in crowded places. The raven haired boy pushed one side open and they were immediately greeted with the ear-splitting roars of the excited supporters.

From where they stood, Suga could already make out a few hundred people. The seats were packed to the brim and they all overlooked the glistening court in the middle which was having its every surface mopped by a team of men.

Despite most of the seats already being filled, Daichi was confident that he’d be able to get them seats. He led them straight to the front row where Suga spotted Nishinoya waving frantically at them, drawing a lot of attention to himself which he didn’t seem to mind at all.

“See. I told you I could get you two good seats,” Daichi winked.

“With my help of course!” Nishinoya chimed in, holding up a peace sign.

But then the gleaming smile on his face disappeared and his fingers fell to his side when he saw who was beside Suga.

He then stood up and dragged Daichi by the sleeve to one side where he looked like he was reprimanding the boy. It terrified Suga at how furious Nishinoya had looked and the latter would glare in their direction occasionally but upon paying closer attention, his gaze had actually been on Oikawa.

The pair that was oblivious to what was going on between the other two only stood there in confusion with Suga contemplating whether or not he should get involved.

Asahi, who was looking utterly embarrassed, must’ve understood what was going through his mind at that point and swiftly got up from his seat.

“Why don’t you two sit down? We saved these seats for you guys anyway.”

“Huh? But then…where will you three sit?”

“Oh don’t worry we’ll be standing by the back. Knowing how Noya gets all riled up in these sort of matches. We’ll definitely be annoying everyone behind if we were to sit here,” Asahi chuckled, albeit a little nervously.

He patted Suga on the shoulder before excusing himself to join the other pair and it looked like Nishinoya had already cooled down a bit but was still glowering at Daichi. He then trudged off with Asahi lagging behind him, though not before Suga could faintly make out his parting words.

_“Wait any longer and he’ll be someone else’s.”_

His words did make Daichi’s face darken and he didn’t try to stop him afterwards when he went off with Asahi.

Feeling uneasy, Suga briefly left Oikawa’s side to check on him.

“Is everything okay? Nishinoya didn’t look too happy there,” he commented, biting his lip.

“Oh um…it’s nothing. He’s like that.” The corners of Daichi’s lips rose slightly to form a less than convincing smile. But before Suga even had the chance to question anything, he was already turning to leave.

“I’ll be joining my other friends on the second floor. If you need anything just ring me up.”

“Oh. Yeah sure.”

“See you then.”

Suga was left to stare at him as he disappeared into the crowd. It was too bad. He'd actually been looking forward to watching the match with Daichi. Sighing, he hurried over to station himself beside Oikawa again who bore a look of mild guilt.

“I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused your friends.”

“What? Nonsense.”

“I’m not blind Suga. They didn’t seem to like my presence that much, especially the little one.”

“Don’t sweat it. They’re nice people and they were the ones who got us these seats after all,” Suga reminded him cheerfully. “We can practically see the whole court from here!”

“Where’s Daichi-san?”

“He went to join his friends.”

“That’s a shame. There’s still some more seats here. I think they weren’t aware of the fact that I already have a rather permanent seat to begin with,” Oikawa’s gaze flitted to his wheelchair which made Suga bend over in laughter. He smiled a little at this, pleased with himself.

They spent the next twenty minutes answering Suga’s numerous questions about volleyball and the latter had never seen Oikawa look more enthusiastic when he had tried to explain all the rules and terms to him.

“What did you play as then?”

“Setter.”

“Eh? That doesn’t sound as cool as Ace.”

Oikawa scoffed.

“Ace might sound cool to you. But a good setter can get you so much further.”

Hearing this, Suga went quiet, his head tilted in curiosity.

“You see, the setter is the play maker of the game. Without them, the Ace can't spike. They're the ones who build up opportunities for their team to score. Which is why if you can't excel as a setter...”

“You can’t win.”

A foreign voice had chimed in and the both of them craned their necks to the side to find a rather intimidating boy with cropped short black hair, staring –or rather- scowling at them.

“You’re still going on about that even after two years huh Oikawa senpai?"

Suga frowned. He didn’t like the way he was talking to them but to his astonishment, Oikawa gave him a small smile.

“It’s been a long time hasn’t it Tobio-chan?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the end of the first part of this chapter~! I wanted to post it as a whole chapter but I got a bit carried away writing about the match so I decided to split it in two. Major exams are coming my way so I'm guessing I can only update in a month from now which I'm really sorry for always making you all wait :/ Don't give up on this story 'cuz I'm not giving up on it too!! >


End file.
